Beyond Worry

It's been a day.  The morning started off crazy with not enough sleep, computer glitches and then the phone call--the renters we had canceled.  Did I mention we leave in 15 days?  There wasn't really enough time to ponder the full implications, because the house was filled with hustle and bustle of people coming and going.

  Business bills are due, deductions are needing to be paid and right now, I really don't know how payday will happen--don't even get me started on our own bank account, and yet . . .

How am I doing? Well, my first thought when I received the phone call from the potential renter, cancelling was, "OK, now I REALLY know that we are to be in Rwanda!".  The panic flitted in and out quickly, but didn't stick.  When I calculated out business accounts, I am realizing that the transition to supporting two families, time taken to train and 6 weeks of tough weather were not a surprise to God.  As we look at our own bank account (and learn from the accountant how low our 2013 income was), I am reminded that God takes care of our needs (fully and abundantly and completely). Honestly, from a purely earthly point of view, things don't look incredibly prosperous right now.  BUT I know that God is in control.  The lesson that has been repeated throughout the day today has been that surrender isn't always easy, but is incredibly rich.  God doesn't just look at our past and present circumstances, He sees the whole picture . . .and the end results.  

I was asked several times how I was doing.  I kept saying that I was beyond stress.  In every way, the circumstances are beyond what I can manage, control or fix.  I have no choice but to surrender to God.  These problems are way too big to stress over.  The crazy thing is I knew immediately that I couldn't do anything, so I did surrender them and haven't tried to take them back.  

Hmm, isn't that what we are to do with ALL our cares,worries and concerns?

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (1 Peter 5:7 NLT)

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. (Psalms 27:14 NLT)

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. (Jeremiah 17:7 NLT)

Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Point taken.  We say we are trusting God, but sometimes actions (Ie sleepless nights, frazzled days, edginess, etc) speak louder than words.  I think that reaching the point of "beyond worried" might be just what we need to refocus on what truly matters instead of stressing over circumstances we can't control.

PS. About our finances, we are debt-free, flights are paid for, visas covered and monthly support nearly in.  God is multiplying everything that has come in and is meeting our every need!

A Picture of our New Home

It's coming down to the crunch time as we try to condense our house into 14 suitcases, 7 carry-on's and 7 backpacks.  Honestly, the stress level is increasing as the reality of a huge move begins to hit home. It is exciting, scary and overwhelming, but we are up for the challenge and trusting God for His strength for the next 17 (yes, 17) days.

Christmas looked much different for us.  We went simple this year.  While the gifts were simple, the richness of the day was especially meaningful.  We were joined by both family and friends and had a lovely time together.  The celebrations continued for the next couple of days as more family joined us and our oldest celebrated his 17th birthday.

We are now into the stage of sorting and packing up everything in the house.  In some ways, it's challenging to look at packing up, but in other ways, it is exciting to really starting focusing on what is waiting for us in Rwanda. The majority of conversations this holiday have revolved around the mission house, the people, the land and what we will be involved in.

The perception of life in Africa is often of a mud hut, but the reality is, where we will be living is really quite modern, developed and beautiful.  The house consists of 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms (with real toilets and a shower).  When teams or visitors come, our family will bunk together, so up to 12 additional people can join us at the mission home.  We have a lovely open living room-kitchen, complete with fridge, stove, oven and even a microwave.  We are going to try to bring a toaster oven, so there's less draw on energy for small items to be warmed. The windows can be opened or shut and the home stays comfortably cool, even on the warmer (+28C) days.  We look down over the valley and can easily see the highway from our kitchen window.

The property sits on a tiered hillside (remember, Rwanda is known as the land of a thousand hills).  The church, classrooms and playing field grace the top.  Down the stairs is the driveway and dorms, down some more stairs, the mission house and cookhouse.  More stairs down lead to the Rwandan family home and the stable. Below that is a grove of fruit trees (avocado, banana, plantain, etc).  A path leads to a garden area with fish pond below.  The set-up is amazing, the property gated and secure (we will have a guard at night).  

We have several animals on the property which will add to our adventure.  Beyond the typical geckos, chameleons, and occasional snake, there are goats, pigs, rabbits, a cow and calf, and rooster.  In addition, are the lovely fruit trees and beautiful flowering bushes. 

We are an easy (5 minute) walk to the village where we can get quite a bit of the food we will need (fresh fruit and veggies, milk, flour, cell phone minutes, etc) and a 30(ish) minute drive to the capital city where a modern (but expensive) grocery store is.  

While life will be very different in Rwanda, we are thankful to have an idea of where we will life and a little bit of understanding of what life will be like in this incredible country!

Mary, did you know?

While thoughts of Christmas and family togetherness dance through many people's heads, my head is spinning with details of visas, paperwork, and packing.  The final crunch is really here.  The last three months have flown by so quickly!  The last few months of shifting and surrender are now coming into completion.  In one sense, the "happily terrified" feeling is being replaced by a sense of just digging in and wading through those jobs that just have to be done.  Christmas is coming, but even the joyful anticipation is outweighed by a deeper anticipation of Rwanda.

Strangely enough, I no longer find myself overwhelmed.  It's been a matter of taking things one step at a time, processing and dealing with each item (paperwork, visas, business or more) as it comes up and trusting God that we are not missing a crucial detail.  It's a peace and trust that I have to deliberately choose each day, each hour, each minute--and especially at night, when my mind is trying to plan for the next day.  

Despite the days ticking down and the endless list of tasks, I have to stop and take time to reflect and appreciate the season we are in.  

I can't help but reflect on that first Christmas.  Did Mary and Joseph anticipate how their lives would change?  When they left for the census, did they have any idea that they wouldn't return for several years?  True, they didn't have visas and flights to worry about, but, they were entrusted with caring for the Messiah--now that's intimidating!  God worked out every detail for them, right down to the place where Jesus was to be born.  Each detail drawing on what was prophesied so many years prior.  Did they have any idea?

I've been trying to put myself in Mary's shoes, what went through her head as she kissed her mother goodbye?  Was she anticipating her mama there at her baby's birth?  Did she know in her heart she wouldn't see her family for a long time and share with them the joy of God's greatest gift?  Security, safety, a home, a "nest", were all sacrificed as Mary and Joseph set out on their historic journey.  In the midst of the chaos that a census entails, they didn't falter or hesitate to carry out the course set before them.  It was a stepping out that eternity was waiting for.  Did they know?  

No one can comprehend the difference a step can make.  One step, a surrendered heart, a simple "yes".  

Bits and pieces

I've lost track of time.  I know Christmas is coming soon and that the move to Rwanda will be upon us before we know it, but to figure out what day it really is, or calculate how many days are left until we move is a bit beyond me.  Right now, it's take on one project at a time, pray I don't miss anything and help our family walk through this transition.  Daily I am asked how are we REALLY doing?  While my friends push for a deeper answer, the most honest one I can give is "good".  Yes we are "happily terrified"--but that feeling may last for some time yet.  Every day, we cross another thing off our to do list and get one step closer to Rwanda.  I do what I can do, but surrender the rest each night and trust God for His strength for tomorrow.  It's all I can do and it is "good".  

What about our children?  This is a huge transition for them.  I will do my best to convey what I've witnessed as our family prepares for this move of a lifetime.

The youngest is surprising me.  He is the most resistant to change, yet he is the one embracing this adventure more than ever.  He has been asking some good questions about what to pack, what is there and what we leave behind.  Even having strangers coming through for showings hasn't phased him.  Today, he was packing his favorite toys to take to Rwanda and talking about the friends he will have and his new little brother (a 2 year old who just came to the orphanage).

Our next youngest is doing good, too.  He talks about the children, what we will see, what we will do and daily life there.  The hardest thing for him to leave will the activities with his friends.  Even with these things to leave, he is looking forward to what lies ahead.

Our youngest daughter has shown the most enthusiasm.  She's been excited from day one, though, as the months draw out, it's the being "caught between two worlds" that is tough.  While there's so much to do, the days and weeks of being with her friends and knowing she has to say goodbye soon has been challenging.  Being as social as she is, I can see how much she will miss those here, but her sense of adventure will help her adjust quickly.

For our oldest daughter, there's a quiet confidence, but something more.  Ultimately, this is a dream come true--but coming true earlier than expected.  I am sad to say that I didn't fully comprehend the reality of her emotions while packing up . . .she will graduate and who knows where God will take her?  There's a peace, but also a sobering reality that her life is about to radically change.  I understand this, but how can I share in that acknowledgment? I know that deep sense of upcoming change and the laying aside of everything familiar, knowing that our life will never be the same.  

For our oldest, there's probably the least amount of enthusiasm, but the most confidence that this is what we are to do.  Leaving friends is incredibly hard for him, he builds close friendships with people of all ages and is a friend to all.  Most of all, he loves church and reaching out.  It will be this passion that God will use to bridge His love to the people who need it the most.  From the beginning, he viewed this  opportunity as something that he will never regret.

As I watch my husband lay down a job he absolutely loves and embrace this adventure (did you know Kim hates change?), I am in awe.  To see him light up as he talks about Rwanda, the people, the village and the children, I am so excited to see the passion in his face!  

In a nutshell, as the date to depart draws closer and our emotions go through highs and lows, the bottom line is that we know where we are to be and look forward to what is ahead.  This passage from Philippians sums it up well:

I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. (Philippians 3:14 NLT)

Unsung heroes

He was there again today.  Walking into church, he came straight to our table set up for raising support for Rwanda.  He held out his hand and dropped money into my palm.  Not a word was spoken, but he walked off with a big grin . . .and tears welled up in my eyes.  

Today, a video was played at church where Kim and I shared our hearts and passion for Rwanda.  At the end, we were applauded.  I suppose this is a big step, but at the same time, the list of heroes standing beside us and behind us grows daily, they support without applause.  We are thankful to have the churches' acknowledgement and support--it means so much to know that spiritual backing is there--but beyond that, we have the support of so many unsung heroes. 

Since deciding to even scout out Rwanda, we have found ourselves surrounded by encouragers, prayer support and financial support.  People have shared their resources and talents with us and without them, this mission would not be possible.  It is humbling to be entrusted with these resources to get us to Rwanda and enable us to pour into the incredible people there.  

Almost daily, we are reminded of God's greatness, favour and unlimited supply as gifts and monthly support come in.  Weekly, as we stand in the foyer at church talking to people, we are amazed at the outpouring of finances, prayer support and encouraging words.  

What's been the most incredible has been the support and enthusiasm from the children.  One young boy is baking goodies to sell, all proceeds go straight to Rwanda.  Another,the young man first mentioned,has come by the table weekly.  He first asked me numerous questions about Rwanda, and after that began bringing money to give--loose change, given straight from his heart.  His faithfulness and sacrifice hits me each week.  He is maybe grade 4 or 5.  To see this sacrifice and generosity from both these young boys and others like them is absolutely incredible.  May God richly bless those who are sowing into this Rwanda mission!

So where are we with the support & fundraising?

Support, we are at 50%, $1000 has been pledged, $1000 still needed (these funds will be exchanged into US funds for Rwanda, so the monthly income will vary slightly).

Fundraising: one way tickets and immunizations ($8750) covered, 

Remaining: purchasing the recommended luggage trunks ($200), misc. medical and basic housing supplies: ($500), having US cash on hand for getting settled--groceries, household items, water, etc ($500 US), visas for Rwanda ($950 US).

Ideally, we'd love to have some money set aside for tickets ($7000 in 2 years) & possibly have an opportunity to get a keyboard for Nathan's music ($600).

We continue to trust God for His provision and we rejoice in these heroes who have risen up to support and encourage us.  

Anticipation

It is true that we will be leaving behind some comforts, security and amazing people, but at the same time, there's so much we are looking forward to in Rwanda.  There's an excitement and anticipation of what is to come.

While Christmas carols are playing here, I can still hear the Christmas (and other) songs the children sang echoing down the hills. My boys talk of the friends who they will meet in Rwanda-- Zach, David, Jamie . . .and of course, who could forget the wonderful pets they will have--pigs, rabbits, goats, geckos and more.  Our seven year old is practising up on reading aloud, just so he can share some of his favourite stories with the children.

My girls look at pictures and ask about the children, both in the orphanage and the village.  My middle daughter already has a letter and gift lovingly sent along with us when we visited in August.  Both girls look forward to being incredible "big sisters" to these many children.  

Our oldest continues to practice music and is praying for a piano or keyboard in Rwanda in order to share his gift.   We're not worried, God will provide, as He always has.  You should have seen our son's face light up when we told him that perhaps he could sit in on a few Bible school classes.  

For my husband, he has a stack of books and materials to encourage and mentor the men.  He is preparing for whatever repairs he can do.  Language is being studied so that bridges can be built.  

For me, I am taking ESL and dreaming of ways to share our language.  I am hunting down recipes to share and dreaming of times with the women and children where I can encourage, support and be a mother to those without parents.  Books, devotionals and resources are tucked carefully into the suitcases with the anticipation of sharing God's amazing love, care and provision for His children.  

We are praying for the land, for the people, the orphans, the workers and the bible school students who will be coming.  There is joy and anticipation for what God is going to do and we are so amazed that we can be a small part of what is to come.  

When we first surrendered to God, our hope was that some way, some how, we could be a bridge to reach those before us.  How great God is as He directs our next steps! 

Weeping and Joy

It's nearly midnight and sleep eludes me.  I am not stressed or overwhelmed, but instead, amazed at all that's happened this previous week.  The calendar show 46 days, my mimd feels it should be longer, but my heart is already preparing to be there. Tears come more frequently and the excitement is being replaced by mixed emotions as I face the reality of saying goodbye to what I hold dear right here.   There's no doubt where we are to be, but still, it's a bit of a grieving process.

True, every day there has been a tangible reminder that God is looking out for us.  We are being amazed daily over the generosity of those around us.  The weight of wondering how our flights and immunizations will be paid has been easing as we see the funds come in.  We do what we can in getting the word out and fundraising, but it is only God who can bring in what we need. . .and that has been exciting.  

This is really happening!  It hit me, late last night, after an incredible afternoon of tea and sharing with the ladies about Rwanda. There had been a silent auction and my teapot collection was sold.  It was great to be able to see how these teapots could help us get to Rwanda, but at the same time, it was hard.  Last night, as I gazed sat the empty spaces above my cupboards, I couldn't help but miss them a bit.  I guess it's the process of laying down who I was and stepping into who I am to be. With obedience comes sacrifice.  Rwanda means more to me than teapots.

The tears I shed today, however, were on a much deeper level.  A month ago, I began the process of saying goodbye when I visited my friend near Ottawa.  Now, the reality of saying goodbye here gets hard.  Seeing the tears in the eyes of friends who have laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me and encouraged me through so many challenges cuts straight to the heart.  Saying goodbye will be almost impossible . . .so I have to stick with "see you,soon" or beg them to come visit (not necessarily realistic).  Oh it is hard!  Oh how thankful I am.  Just as God is meeting our needs financially, so will He meet our needs spiritually, emotionally and relationally.  Instead of dwelling on these painful goodbyes, I rejoice in deep friendships that will stand the test of time.  I am thankful that I have a group of amazing people praying for me, supporting me, and those who "have my back" even when I don't feel it.   At the same time, I can have the privilege of praying for them, encouraging them and trusting that God will be there to meet every need that they have.  

Thankfully, we can Skype, Facebook & email--a privilege not found years ago.  

Weeping may last for a night but joy does come in the morning!

Beyond What I Feel

Life is absolutely crazy right now.  I have never been busier, never been so stretched, never been more scared,  never been more excited and never been more at peace.  Without a doubt, this is the most radical thing we have ever done.  However, in the midst of it all, there's a peace that truly passes ALL understanding.  It's been unwavering, engulfing and complete--despite the craziness we've been experiencing.

I was asked how I am doing emotionally.  Well . . .terrified, excited, overwhelmed, joyous, petrified, amazed, humbled, inadequate, (did I mention really scared?)  all come to mind within seconds of each other.  Beyond that, deep down there's a certainty and peace that our family is exactly where we need to be right now.  Has it been easy?  No, not at all.  We are being stretched beyond what is even close to comfortable.  Worth it?  Yes.

What is this doing to our faith?  We are being stripped of our security and dependency on ourselves.  I am finding that every breath is a prayer as I reach out to God to give me wisdom, strength, peace, etc.   As I am forced into a position of complete reliance on Him, I am learning to trust and rest like never before.  Surrender is a little easier as I recognize that a life given over to the hands of God brings joy, peace . . .and adventure like never before.

My children are sharing hopes, dreams and vision in incredible new ways.  Miracles are unfolding before our eyes!  

Now what?  The days until departure are quickly melting away.  Rwanda is calling our name, but the "to do" list still feels overwhelming, and we are being pushed to the limit.  We are finding ourselves surrounded by love and support and feel very humbled to be a part of such a giving community that will enable us to impact people around the world. While leaving our community and church will be the most difficult, we know that God has plans for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plan for our hope and future.

Identity

The tops of my cupboards look especially bare.  The collection that had filled in this gaps for so many years is now either packed or set aside to be sold. As I wrapped the last of my teapots, I couldn't help but feel like I was losing a bit of my identity.  Since getting married, I have collected teapots.  It was a unique collection with a story that always brought a smile to my face.  Now, with Rwanda looming, this collection won't be any good collecting dust or sitting in boxes.  The time had come to let it go.

"Letting go" has become commonplace.  Letting go of some things--like the teapots--has come easier than expected.  However, letting go of other things have defined us have been incredibly difficult.  For example, Kim has always been the "eavestrough guy".  Letting go of his job and identity (despite having AMAZING men to take over) has been very hard.  

For me, letting go of the homeschool support group over a year ago started a transition that has been hard.  I loved being able to be a resource and connector for homeschoolers. However, it was not something I could continue with.  I learned through that time that sometimes a God will ask you to let go of things that you love, or ask you to lay something down when it's going well.  This is where it can be challenging.  How much easier it is to let something go when it's already tough! The challenge goes deeper when you feel your identity is wrapped up in whatever it is you are being asked to surrender.  

I suppose a deeper question with that is looking at where our identity actually lies.  If I allow my identity to be wrapped up only in what I do, I am limiting what I CAN do.  If I only see myself as a homeschool support group leader, what happens when I am moved elsewhere?  What if my identity is in what I own?  Honestly, that is only stuff--things that are temporal and easily raced.  Even if I place my identity in who I am, it can be short-term and unclear (who I was as a teen? Who I think I am? Who I want to be?). So where can my identity be?  

When it comes down to the heart of the matter, what matters most to me is being who God wants me to be and allowing Him to direct my steps.  Right now, it will be serving Him wherever I am planted and not limiting myself to how I see myself. It's surrender, letting go and choosing to trust God like we've never trusted Him before . . .and it is good.

As for the teapot collection?  Well, next week we will be auctioning the teapots off in hopes of raising more funds for Rwanda.  The story?  Well, in Kim's family, however many teapots a bride gets in her wedding showers and on her wedding day, that's how many children she will have.  I ended up getting eight.  So I decided to break the tradition & start a collection.  I ended up with over one hundred!  Hmm, we will be caring for orphans and ministering to local children . . .maybe there's more to these teapots then I realize . . .

Face to the Wind

I can still remember that feeling of terror and helplessness when I realized my oldest was missing.  At 3 years of age, Nathan already demonstrated his sense of adventure.  I was quickly finishing up a sewing project while the kids played in their rooms . . .or so I thought.  When I went to check on them, my girls were playing quietly while the yard gate was wide open and our dog and Nathan were missing.  In the hour that followed, I quickly biked the neighbourhood, called the police and knocked on neighbourhood doors.  It was an astute neighbour who jumped in his truck and soon came back with both my son and dog.  When I asked him him how he knew where Nathan was, he answered, "The wind.  Children won't walk into the wind, but will keep it at their backs."  A brisk wind was blowing from the west and sure enough, my son was headed east, passed the park he had visited.

Today, as I pressed into the wind while walking towards my mom-in-laws, I couldn't help but remember that story.  My youngest struggled beside me, head down, determined to not let a bit if wind and snow keep him from getting to Grandma's house.  With our sights set on the goal ahead, we ploughed  through and soon enjoyed the warmeth of the our destination.  

On our journey of faith, the winds of discouragement are hitting us hard.  Under 2 months, support and money for tickets not in, waves of doubt and uncertainty hitting us from all side, but we can't back down, turn away or hide.  It is this walk, this path, this journey we have been called upon to travel.  The destination is off in the distance, sometimes hidden by clouds, but it is there.  Our job is to take the steps towards this destination with trust in God. 

I am reminded of when the disciples were traveling by boat and a storm took them by surprise.  All alone, they were terrified.  When Jesus walked on the water towards them, I imagine the terror couldn't be greater.  I have to admire Peter for daring to ask Jesus to call him.  As long as Peter remained focused on Jesus, he could do the impossible.  However, when the distraction of the wind and waves turned his attention elsewhere, he began to sink.

By ourselves, this journey is impossible, but with Jesus beckoning us to come, we can't look anywhere but to Him.  If the wind is behind us, beside us or straight in our face, may we not lose focus on the destination ahead of us.

Sticks, stones and planks

The immunization debate is heating up.  With a measles outbreak in our city, accusations are flying back and forth with each side very certain they are right.  At the heart of the debate is the welfare of our children.  I've heard both sides.  Both have valid points, who am I to decide what is right or wrong for a family? I haven't walked the path of a deviating reaction or a serious disease.  

Judgements divide, pitting one side against the other.  They look at someone else and deem them lacking.  In extreme cases, such as the Rwandan genocide, the result is death.  At the very last, there is hurt, division, and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy.  Tragically, the church is not immune to this.  In fact, I have heard it said that the church or Christians can be among the most judgemental people in the world.  Ouch!

At the heart, only God knows our walk with Him, and honestly, isn't that what matters the most?  I have to admit that my view of what a Christian "should" look like has been shaken so much, that I must bow out of offering my opinion.  I am reminded that "The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7 NLT)

If this isn't tragic enough, what about the comparisons where we look at other and continually find ourselves lacking because we don't look like "so and so"? This judging (only in reverse) is just as dangerous.  God does not want us to look to others to determine our value, worth or spirituality, but look to Him first.  True, leadership and mentor ship is key, but seek out God first and enter into a personal relationship with Him, dig into the Word, commune with Him and trust that He will direct your path.  

Like anyone else, we've faced judgments.  We don't expect everyone to agree with this walk we are on as a family.  It hurts, but it's forced us to really go back to God and seek Him even more.  What I've been struggling with more are those who come and say that they wish they could be like us.  Really?  No!  Please don't try to walk in our shoes when God has so much for you! 

 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. (Hebrews 12:1 NLT)

God has a specific race or path set for each one of us.  You are not called to run the race set for the Wilson's, you are called to run the race set for you!  If you look to what others are doing and compare, you are judging, you are comparing yourself to others and coming up short.  This is not God's best for you.  God has plans for you and your family that no one else can walk out.  Trust Him, listen, and take a step in that direction, you will never regret it!

I never would have imagined

Do you remember where you were a year ago?  I do, though my days might be slightly off.  We were in the middle of traveling down to Mexico for our first family mission trip.  The 35 hours of driving were coming to an end and we were getting ready to cross the border into the Mexican Baja.  It was a trip that forever shifted our view.  Did we ever imagine that a year later, we would be again preparing for a mission trip, but this time for 2 years in Africa?

Sometimes, we can see the road ahead quite clearly (like driving to Moose Jaw on a clear day). Somewhere just above the horizon, the destination is waiting for you.  In other stages of life, you can barely see a few meters in front of you.  This was the highway close to midnight on Monday, as Nathan and I drove home from Calgary.  Dense fog engulfed the roads and the lights only illuminated a small area in front of the van. Stopping was not an option, so we kept going, confident that the road in front of us would take us where we needed to be.  In some areas, the fog would lift, giving us a breather from the intensity of driving in what felt like a wool blanket.  While I was aware and alert, I wasn't stressed (a huge answer to prayer for someone who doesn't like driving at night . . .at all).

Oh how this has paralleled our journey!  When we were getting ready for Mexico, that was a clear next step in our life.  We had spent years praying for and planning this trip, knowing that it would somehow challenge and change our family.  Before, during and after our November 2013 mission, there was no doubt we were exactly where we were to be.  After Christmas, however, the path became a little unclear, yet over the next few months, God continued to direct our paths, taking us on a journey we never imagined!

I distinctly remember one night in January where Kim was so upset and discouraged about his business.  For years, he had a dream of growing the eavestroughing business to support more than just our family.  Business was slow, competition fierce and there were just not the right employees who had a heart for doing a job well.  Now, not even a year later, the business has 4 men, jobs booked well into the year (thanks to the multiple hail storms) and Kim is experiencing the joy of training up some great successors.  Who would have anticipated this?

Only God knows how our life is mapped out.  We see the immediate and wonder what is around the next bend and often question whether God really knows what He is doing.  Trust me, He does!  The road you are on right now is not going to be road you stay on--when you surrender to letting God take the driver's seat.

              We can make our plans,

    but the Lord determines our steps.

Proverbs 16:9

A time to rest

I was told it is now 70 days until Rwanda.  Once my racing heart regained steady beating, I realized how incredibly thankful I was for this past weekend.  Yes, I am a bit sleepy today, but aside from lacking a bit of sleep, my heart is filled to overflowing with a peace and restfulness I haven't experienced for a long time.  Years ago, I watched good friends step out on a journey of faith that took them across the country.  I saw their willingness to lay down comfort and security and move their family  into a whole new world.  In the months and years that have followed, there have been joys and tears, ups and downs.  What has stood strong, though, is their steady, undeniable faith that they are exactly where God wants them.  

As the journey to Rwanda unfolded, my long-distance friend has prayed for me, encouraged me and faithfully reminded me that when God opens doors, He gives us the strength and wisdom to walk through them.  I promised her that if we were to go to Rwanda, I would visit her first.  God opened the door for both myself and my oldest to visit their family south of Ottawa this weekend.  The trip can be summed up with GOD IS GOOD!

It wasn't about earth-shattering revelation or ground-breaking fundraising, or even being "productive".  Agendas were left at home, when my son and I boarded that plane east.  The weekend was filled with laughter, long talks, great coffee (not Tim Hortons :), sharing what God has been doing, tears, and blessed friendship.  I was understood.  As I come home to a mountain of paperwork, huge "to-do" lists, and a home to pack, the enormity of what needs to be done is there, but the feeling of being overwhelmed, exhausted and drained has left.  

I am reminded of a passage in Matthew, where Jesus offers rest:

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28 NLT)

Rest is more than a gift from God, it is a need.  He set the example after creation, when God rested on the 7th day.  If God, in all His strength and glory, took time to rest (or demonstrate the need for rest), how much more should we?  Speaking from experience, I needed a time to pull away from everything and am able to come back refreshed and filled on a whole new level.  Rest is vital in order to keep moving forward.  

God has offered it to us for a reason.  It is a gift, don't be afraid to take it . . .trust me, you will not  regret it!

Reflection

The news story caught my attention--a small village in Norway that sits in darkness for 6 months out of the year.  They recently bought 4 giant mirrors and positioned them up on the mountain tops to reflect the sunlight into their village.  It was a huge risk, with great cost, but it was a success!  The village of 3000 can now enjoy sunlight.  The mirrors are control by computer so they can be adjusted to best reflect the rays of sunlight.

I've been reflecting on how God uses us, not to shine our own light, but to be a reflection of Him.  Just as the moon doesn't produce it's own light (yet shines so brightly), so should our lives be a reflection of God to those around us.  Too often we forget the we can be the only picture of God's hands and feet that people experience. 

It was recently said to me that if God truly wanted to reach Rwanda, He would do so Himself, that white people shouldn't be the ones swooping in and saving them.   True, white people shouldn't be the ones doing the "saving", (any more than black, Hispanic, Asian or  any other people group).  Our job isn't to come in and save, but it is to be a reflection of God wherever He calls us. 

The key is remembering we are to reflect, not shine in our own strength.  We need to keep ourselves reminded that our strength and light comes from God in us, not we ourselves.  Anything more or less becomes our own strength. 

Just as those mirrors need to be realigned to where the sun is shining, so we too need to adjust our perspectives, attitudes, and actions to continually be aligned with where God wants us to be.  Keep in the Word, with our thoughts and hearts fixed towards Him and He will direct us to where we need to be to be best used by Him.

Soar, Run, Walk

The countdown is coming faster than I ever anticipated and the workload (and weariness) is great than I ever thought.  It's with a bit of panic that I realize that November is coming this week . . . 2 1/2 months until we leave . . .even as I write this, my heart skips a beat and momentary panic grips me, until I remind myself of what God says . . .

Isaiah 40:28-31

New Living Translation (NLT)

28 Have you never heard?
    Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
    No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
29 He gives power to the weak
    and strength to the powerless.
30 Even youths will become weak and tired,
    and young men will fall in exhaustion.
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.

God has promised His strength in areas exactly where we need it.  Everyone goes through times when we need His strength.  As we trust in God, I am amazed how he strengthens us in so many unique ways.  

For example, there are times when we need the ability of eagles--to soar above whatever we are facing, learning to anticipate the wind gusts and allow them to carry us.  There's a sense of solitude, separation and withdrawing, all for the renewing of our strength.  

Now, what about running and not growing weary?  To me, this demonstrates endurance.  Being able to keep going, despite the circumstances and intense pace.  A camel is a good example of perseverance or endurance.  They face intense weather, drought and great distances, but they keep on going, no matter what.  Endurance is needed when much is required of us--but the key is knowing that we are running in God's strength and not our own.  

The last point in the verse really looks at weariness--walking without fainting. These must be the most difficult of circumstances, where one is overwhelmed with life, grief, circumstances or  . . . Here is where God comes alongside us, and gives us just enough strength for the next step, the next minute, hour or day, or even enough strength to draw our next breath.  

God's strength looks different for each one of us, reaching us exactly where we need it the most.  He is our strength, our hope, our all in all.  

Today, I feel weary, but am reminded that as I wait on God, He will give me the strength that I need today. . . and take care of my tomorrows, too.

Not my Toothbrush

It was a very productive week.  My mom came down and we began sweeping through the main floor, sorting, giving away and cleaning as we went.  After the forth or fifth trip to Value Village with give-aways, I was finally beginning to feel that I had a handle on the massive downsizing of possessions.  

I was at the kitchen table sorting through all the bathroom stuff gathered when our four-year-old came in.  When he saw his toothbrush sitting on the table, he asked in horror, "Are you giving away my toothbrush, too?".  He had silently endured the reducing of his clothes and toys, but the toothbrush, now here he was drawing the line.

This is when another reality of what we were planning hit me.  We are in the process of stripping away everything familiar and exchanging it for new, uncomfortable and the unknown.  From the perspective of my four-year-old, he was losing everything and it was starting to get scary.  In reality, our perspective is not much different.

"Happily terrified" is the best way to describe where we are.  We are stepping out into the unknown, choosing to leave behind a familiar job, house, city, friends and family.   We know God is directing our steps and has plans for us in Rwanda.  It will be a foreign land, new language, different culture and brand new life.  Never-the-less, we know that this is where God wants us.

Who knew that God could use us?  We are just an ordinary family, there's nothing special or exceptional about us, so why?  All I can think of is how amazing God's grace is!  God takes special delight in using the most unlikely to carry out His plans--all you need to do is be willing.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

We are happily terrified to step out.  God will continue to direct our steps as we declutter, raise support, pack and prepare for this adventure.  Thank you for your continued prayer and support.

This week, please pray that God will bring in the right renters for our home.

Thank you!

Preschool Dreams

Children and children's ministry have always been close to our family's heart.  It was children's ministry that brought Kim and I together, and children's ministry that really opened the door for us getting connected within our church.  Most recently, when our family went to Mexico, the involvement with the preschool was a highlight.

When we first found out about Rwanda, we were unsure about our involvement, since there wouldn't be many children.  However, as the day draws closer, we are discovering that our work in Rwanda will actuality be closely related to working with children.  The placement of orphans is not as easy as first thought, so we will still have between 10-18 orphans.  In addition, as we look towards reaching out to the community, one of the greatest needs is that of a nursery school.  

A preschool will be opened the first week of January, with our family being able to step in and help once we arrive.  What is exciting is this will draw on gifts and strengths of each one of our children, right down to the youngest!  How exciting to see a purpose for each of us as we prepare for this trip to Rwanda.

I think what stands out as the greatest lesson in all of this is that God knows our hopes and dreams.  When we first were asked to consider this trip, what would have happened if we would have closed the door on this opportunity just because it looked as though we would not have been working as much with kids? Just because circumstances don't look the way we think they should look, it doesn't mean God is not at work.  Too often we focus on the here and now, forgetting that God sees the whole picture.  

May we not forget to trust God with every part of our lives.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5, 6 NLT)

Intention Purpose

It is 90 days until we move, 3 months, 1/4 of a year.  We've been working hard on school, reducing our things, intense business training, preparing crafts to sell to fundraise, planning for what we will be doing in Rwanda . . .and trying not to panic.  Now don't get me wrong.  We KNOW we are to be there, but the process of preparing for Rwanda is just that--a process.

Along this journey, the life lessons are adding up to be too many to count.  Probably the biggest life lesson that is standing out to me right now is that of PURPOSE.  A few days ago, one of my kids had a dream.  He was so excited to share it with me, he could barely get it out.  His eyes were bright with enthusiasm and his voice went higher with each word as he shared how in his dream he was able to help plan a game at a school. He finished by saying that even the older kids played too (a big deal when you are only 7).  What was so amazing is he realized that he had a purpose and a job to do. 

Purpose--"intention", "determination", "goal".  What is incredible is that God created each one of us with a purpose, with intention, with a goal set in mind.  A few months ago, our pastor shared how God wrote all the days of our life, before a single day had passed (Psalms 139:16).  It's amazing to see how God has a clear intention or purpose for each one of us. He has gifted us with skills, abilities, personalities and strengths with a distinct purpose in mind.  How incredible is that?

It's easy to drift through life wondering what our purpose is or trying to fulfill the purpose of someone else. Too often, I've found myself falling into that trap of wondering why I couldn't' be more like . . . It's taken me way too long to acknowledge that just maybe God created me the way I am for a distinct purpose.  Instead of looking to others to shape who I was to be, I started looking to God for my purpose and direction.  It was at that point that my life took a dramatic shift. 

About 3 years ago, we went to a family camp where the speakers taught on personality types, strengths, weakness and accepting one another as how God created them.  This camp changed our lives.  As we explored our personality types further, we began to see how God created each of us unique and each personality has incredible strengths.  When we took a course on gifts led by our pastor just over a year later, we began to discover our strengths and purpose as a family.  This led us to lay aside certain involvements and focus on others that would work towards strengthening our family. 

The point in all of this is saying that each one of us has a purpose.  There's not one purpose more grand than another.  It's been frustrating to hear people say that they wish they could do what we are doing.  Why?  If you are fulfilling the purpose you know that God has called you to fill, you are exactly where you need to be.  Each of us have a purpose given by God.  They can be for a time, season or a lifetime.  It comes down to being willing to ask God what His purpose is for you . .. and just listen.  He will show you, He will direct you.

http://www.ttifamilyfirst.com/parent.php

This is a great link to a personality/strength test that helped us with finding our strengths and gave us great tips on communicating with one another.

Humbled

The best way to describe how I've been feeling the last few days is "humbled".  Now this has had both positive and negative connotations to it.

For example, having my house turned upside down due to renovations and getting surprise company can be a bit humbling (embarrassing, humiliating)  Or, having my husband and his coworkers try to walk into the garage crammed with both work and house stuff can bring out some humble pie . . .and I don't even want to mention where the back yard is in all of this . . .it is not that my housekeeping skills are lacking (much), honestly, it just feels a bit overwhelming right now.  Even the fact that I can't get to blogging has added to my general taste of "humble pie"...

However, on the flip side, I am humbled (grateful, in awe of, overwhelmed) by all that God has been doing.  First of all Kim's business. We have had the great privilege of being in the process of training a family to carry it on for us.  To be honest, what good does a business with one employee do when you leave the country? Our biggest concern were the customers.  Who would make sure they were getting a quality job done?  This wasn't something that could be just handed off to anybody.  When we were approached by this family (even before we were "advertising" we were looking for someone), we knew God was at work.  Seeing how they share Kim's passion, workmanship and business ethic is truly a gift from God.  

Another area of humbling has been financial and support raising.  We are a single income family, there's not room for a lot of extras.  Yet, we are moving to Africa . . .this takes money.  It's been humbling asking for support and more humbling when people offer to support us.  This strips away our independence and forces us to recognize we are part of a much bigger picture.  It's not just the "Wilson Family" going to Rwanda. It's a team--those who support us, pray for us, give one time--each playing a key role in what will be happening overseas.  

I am learning that it's way beyond what I see and feel.  The reality of what we are stepping out into is so beyond what I can even comprehend, I find myself being stripped away of my securities and brought to compete and utter dependence on God.  Humbled.  

  

Calling

"Rwanda? Why in the world would you want to go there?"  It's a hard question, but fair. One that has been asked several times.  The answer isn't as straightforward as we would like.  We knew God was placing missions on our heart and was directing us to stepping out into missions, but there wasn't a clear picture . . .until now.  

Years ago, when I visited India, I loved it, but I honestly couldn't see myself returning there, especially with a family.  The people, culture and land were beautiful, but while the experience was incredible, it wasn't where I saw myself long-term.  While in Mexico, we loved the people and it was easy to respond to the many needs.  We could see ourselves returning short-term, but again, not long-term.  

Rwanda was different.  When we were first asked to consider Africa, it was Kenya.  We were willing, but it didn't grip us like Rwanda did.  In the months leading up to our trip, we researched Rwanda and were drawn to this tiny country. Once we arrived, the land, the people and the needs impacted our hearts. It was as though the land was calling us . . .but even saying it that way doesn't give justice to the pull we sensed to be there.  

Wise counsel was given to us before leaving.  We were commissioned to first see if this was a place we could live--as a family.  Second, we were challenged to really seek out and get a better understanding of the needs within the country, specifically, in the village where we were.  Lastly, we were asked to really seek God on if WE were the ones called to meet this need.

Getting to know the country and culture and look specifically for potential challenges wasn't easy.  We wanted to see the good around us, but a decision like this couldn't be made on the "adventure and romance" of overseas missions.  We needed to look closely at realities of life in a foreign land.  The biggest difference that stood out was the extreme cultural differences.  This is Africa, not Europe, America or Canada.  I am not saying one culture is "good" or "bad", just very different.  We had to look closely and try to anticipate how our children (and ourselves) would respond in such different settings.  We also looked carefully at day to day living. Housing, foods, transportation and conveniences are very different--as well as climate, seasons and "critters".  The mission house where we stayed was very nice, but still, lukewarm showers with minimal pressure, no baths, cold water for washing dishes, power that can be unreliable, cells phones that may or may not work, different noises, etc.--these are realities in living in Rwanda.  Being 45 minutes away from the city means careful planning, working with markets and possibly empty shelves instead of what we "need".  Foods are different, diets would change.  Convenience food would be limited because of the extremely high price (3-4x higher).  Meat would become a luxury, not staple.  We talked about the distinct seasons we have here and the adjustment to sunny and hot and rainy and hot.  Thankfully, we didn't see many undesirable animals, but snakes, cockroaches, lizards and malaria mosquitos do exist.  These are very real differences we WOULD face. Would our family be up for the challenge?  Not to mention separation from friends, family and everything familiar.  In the end, we concluded that while there would be sacrifices, the opportunity and experience would be worth it.

Next we looked carefully at the needs of the area.  This is where it was challenging not to feel overwhelmed.  With 2/3's of the population living on under $1/day, the poverty was great.  Ironically, the people themselves did not appear desperate, but joyful, gentle, hardworking and dignified.  We learned so much from them!  We narrowed down specific needs and began to feel a pull towards being the ones who could meet those needs, especially when we looked at the strengths and giftings of our children and family as a whole . . .but we weren't 100% sure.

After we returned home, spoke with our family and reflected in our trip, we began to be drawn deeper towards Rwanda.  There wasn't a sense of obligation ever put on us that we HAD to go, but instead it became clearer that we needed to go.  Rwanda was calling to us, we were called to Rwanda.  As the communication increased and the specifics of what we could be involved in become more refined, there was a stirring of anticipation.   We WANTED to be there, we looked forward to what God has for us to do!  Thankfully, the clarity we sought has been refined, Rwanda is where we are to be.

In the days and weeks to come, it feels like we have mountains of details to tackle.  Thankfully, we serve a God who can move mountains and give us the strength for what is to come.

This verse I found today sums up exactly where we are at:

But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. (Acts 20:24 NLT)

From ?? To GO!

It was the meeting to determine our next step.  Since returning from Rwanda, we needed to meet with our pastor and the director of missions to decide what we were going to do. 

Reflecting back to earlier in the year, we were first asked to consider missions in Kenya.  After our interview, we were asked to consider Rwanda. As we researched the smallest country in Africa, we felt ourselves being drawn to the land and people.  We read books, watched movies, researched and talked to people who had visited Rwanda.  

Rwanda--words can't begin to express how this beautiful country impacted us!  As we met people, interacted with the community, established friendships and gained appreciation for the land, the needs of this nation called to us.  When we left Rwanda, we wanted to return.

We realized that we have been called to Rwanda.  It goes beyond simply meeting a need, but knowing that we are the ones who could best meet that need--willingly, gladly, with joy. It's humbling, exciting, scary, unnerving and so much more.  What a journey!  

So what does this all mean?  In January of 2014, we will be taking our children (who, by that time will be 17, nearly 16, 14, 8 & 5) and committing to a two year term at the Victory Family Home of Champions property, 45 minutes south-west of the capital city of Kigali.  Here, we will be looking at building bridges--within the church, within the community and wherever God leads.  As the orphanages transition out of Rwanda, the need remains great and we don't want the precious people of Rwanda to be forgotten.  We will continue to homeschool our children, with 2 completing their secondary education. Our children will be involved with all that we do, we are called as a family.  We hope to host teams and visitors and come up with special projects that will make a difference in the community we are in.

In the next four months, we will be selling as much as we can, raising the necessary funds for airfare ($8000) and monthly support.  We will keep our house and rent it out.  Despite feeling overwhelmed by the details, we trust God will supply our needs.  Please keep us in prayer.  

Specifically:

1) Clear prioritizing as we try to find where to begin 

2) Wisdom for Kim as he trains and mentoring successors in his business 

3) Finances, that adequate support would come in 

4) Peace, that ultimately we would trust God with everything 

If you feel led to support us, no donation is too small.  By giving through Victory Church of Lethbridge and designating it for "Rwanda mission-Kim and Renae", you will get a tax receipt.  Or, if you are interested in supporting us monthly (either financially or in prayer), please contact us at kim_ren@telus.net.

Thank you

Kim & Renae

Nat, Abi, Naomi, Joel & Ethan

Abundantly excessive

She couldn't have been more than two or three, huge eyes, big smile, skirt held up by a rope, little tummy slightly distended, no shoes.  She carried a small water jug and followed her brother up the dusty path.  This little one lived right next door to the orphanage.  There must have been some arrangement made, because they could fill their water jugs from the tap on the property instead of visiting the creek shared by animal run-off, bathers and laundry.  She wasn't too interested in water, though.  A calf had been born early that morning, so she joined the group of neighbours, slowly inching her way towards me and slipping her tiny hand into mine. Giggles erupted from her when I squeezed her hand and said "hi".  After a few minutes, she scampered off to play with friends and eventually collect her water to take home.  The next day, we boarded our flight and headed back to Canada.

This little girl hasn't left my mind.  Her house was right below the mission house--a hut made out of mud bricks and a simple tin roof.  The cow often lamented over her lack of food.  Occasionally, cries from a baby could be heard.  It was a simple little yard, no extras in sight.  The hope was to have enough food for today and maybe just enough extra to pay the school fees ($2) when they came due.  In Canada, there's concern raised about living pay check to pay check, while in Rwanda, you live day by day.  

This is one house, one family in a tiny village in Rwanda.  Driving out of Kigali, we saw a village about every 5 minutes.  Hundreds tucked just off the black road and many more in the trails beyond the highway.  Each village, house and family, living with just enough for today.  As you get closer to the city, improvements can be spotted--better homes, a community well, larger schools.  

Within the city, we had the opportunity to visit a couple different markets.  The first was known as KCT (Kigali Center Tower).  It was the hub of where the mzungu (white person) would visit.  The tower was several stories high.  You went through a metal detector and had your bags inspected before entering. Several high-end stores (including an "unauthorized"Apple dealer) were in the mall.  A grocery store--Nakumat--almost comparable with Walmart covered two floors.  Here you could buy the comfort foods of home (only three to four times the price of here).  A fancy movie theatre, coffee shop and food court also graced this mall.  By our Canadian standards, simple, but very nice.  The second market was very different.  At the edge of a massive bus stop, we edged into a crowded area.  The smells were interesting as we passed a long line of butcher shops.  Under a large roofed area about the size of a hockey rink, narrow isles stretched as far as you could see.  Small divisions of about about 2 feet deep by 3 feet wide in each side of the aisle marked each shop.  It was hard to see how crowded it really was as people kept walking deeper into this market.  The shop I visited was only 2 shops in, so it was not so claustrophobic.  Kim wandered deep into the caverns of the market, fascinated by whet he saw.  Here, our white faces were a minority and we drew a bit of a crowd.  Each stall was selling whatever they could--used clothing, fabrics, gift wrapping, cell phone minutes, even a partially filled Operation Christmas Child box . . .anything to make a living.  Here, I caught a glimpse of the life in a city in Rwanda, people trying to make a living, get ahead, provide for their family.  I am sure that they paid dearly for a spot in this market, so anyone who ventured in was implored to buy from each vendor.

The country market was a bit different.  The fruits, vegetables and wares were spread out in an area that wasn't too hilly on neatly spread blankets.  Some have music or speakers, many are offering similar items, all are hoping to sell to you.  Even with the crowds, the marketplace is not chaotic.  There is an underlying gentleness and respect.  

The overall atmosphere within the country of Rwanda was one of dignity, grace and peace.  Coming in as an outsider, the needs and poverty feel overwhelming, yet among the people who live in the direst of conditions, there's a peace and contentment that few North Americans find.  

I am learning that it is not what we can teach others, it is what we choose to learn from others. 

Casting

It's been a few weeks since we set foot on Canadian soil after leaving our hearts in Rwanda.  In some ways it feels like the visit was just a dream.  The full details of what we could be doing there remain sketchy, while our hearts are there, plans are not completely in place.  We do see our family in Africa . . .but that is still in the future as details must be clarified.

Adjusting back hasn't been as stressful as I thought, but the shift in priorities and perspective has been significant.  The goal of cutting our possessions in half (from 3 years ago) had not been achieved.  Garage sale items had been set aside prior to our Rwanda trip, but the actual sale did not happen.  

Since arriving back home, the urgency to get ready has been strong.  I am finding it easier to let go of stuff that once held value or some far off purpose.  As I go through rooms, I can't help but recall the ordeal of going through my late grandmother's things.  Growing up in the depression years, she couldn't bear to throw anything away.  Among her things was a box of string labelled "string too small to use".  Wow!  Fast forward to today, where we easily live in a "throw-away" generation.  Couple that with the lack of "stuff" in Rwanda and the amazing ingenuity in repairing and making do with what they have, how do we merge the vastly different cultures? 

For me, it's been stripping away the excess accumulation of stuff from 18 years of marriage and 11 years of homeschooling (oh yes, 10 years of children's ministry, where you never know when you might need "that").  It is analyzing what will be needed after two years, what will be used for teaching our youngest 2 boys and what really has value.  Much of what we have is just "stuff" and doesn't make the cut.  While we have a long ways to go, I can already feel a difference with what has been cast off.

I have also noticed a distinct shift in priorities, more in my children than anywhere else.  I wanted to keep the doors open on as many of their activities as possible, but it is interesting to see how what was so important a few months ago no longer holds the same purpose. . .it comes down to how my 13 year put it . . ."what's the point? Is it really worth all that time and money if God is directing you elsewhere?".  Point taken, thanks Naomi:)

I am reminded of a passage in Hebrews that compares our walk with a race . . .

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. (Hebrews 12:1 NLT)

Our hope is that when God opens the door, we will be ready for the next step, unhindered by anything that would hold us back--which is why we are wanting to cast away anything that can weigh us down. 

Our biggest prayer is that we won't be drawn back into the pressures and stresses of life here as we prepare for whatever God has in store. 

Beauty in Simplicity

In case my last post was focused too much on differences, I want remind you once again of the beautiful country our hearts are drawn to.  As we adjust back to Canada, we find ourselves longing for Rwanda--despite the differences. 

 There's the slower pace of life, where relationships and family are important. Smiles and greetings are the norm as you walk through the village.  You are not too busy to talk to your neighbour, catch up with a friend or greet a stranger.  Laughter echoes over the hills as children delight in the most simple of toys--string wrapped around leftover paper or plastic and tied into a ball.  There you have tag, catch, soccer, capture the ball or whatever the imagination can create. 

Simple tools get the job done.  Everywhere you look, you see people hard at work, creative in making the most with what they have.  Laundry is done mostly by hand.  Cleaning with simple mops or squeegees.  Prepping and cooking at the orphanage was a group effort, peeling vegetables, sorting beans and working to prepare a meal.  We learned that you don't eat in public unless you have enough for all--there's a good picture of the generous heart of the society!

Why is it among the people who we perceive to have the biggest needs we see the most generous givers?  What lessons can we take from the many amazing cultures around us instead of always thinking the "West" has all the answers?  

What can we learn?  What can we give?  What can we share?  It starts with a shift in our perspective of other countries.  It's not about coming in to be the one saving, instead, how can we partner and work together?

 . . .and the greatest of these is LOVE.

Willingly Choose

While we were in Rwanda, we heard the term "expat" quite regularly.  Upon returning home, we looked up the definition. One read, "to willingly leave ones country in order to live elsewhere" another "to withdraw oneself from your native country".  By contrast, immigrant or migration worker emphasizes desperate need or relinquishing of your citizenship, expatriate is more of choosing . . .or sacrifice. 

It's been nearly two weeks since we left Rwanda.  While the visit in some way feels like a dream, the lessons and stirrings in our heart are far too real.  Coming home has not been the culture shock we anticipated, but instead, a clearer look at how different life would be like for our family in Rwanda.  

Little things that we can take for granted look very different in the heart of Africa.  For example: any processed or prepared food is triple to quadruple to what we pay in Canada.  Shopping or Market days are not all under one roof, so extra time is needed.  Being the mzungu (white person) will most likely continue to draw attention--no matter how long you are there.  Comforts, convenience, and all things familiar will not longer be nearby.  In essence, dying to one's self . . .

It's one thing to walk through this deep gulf of surrender for myself, but then add a family . . .is it fair?  How can we? Or really, as we live in this land of extreme abundance and excess . . .how can we not?  

Surrender, willingly give up, sacrifice--obey.  We give up convenience and sacrifice instant gratification. We let go of our security and everything familiar and experience a deeper trust in God.  We willingly let go of living like Canadians and embrace and learn from a new culture.  

Will it be hard?  Oh yes.  Will we face challenges? Absolutely.  What impact could Rwanda make on our family?  It would be completely life-altering.  

While Kim and I were in Rwanda, God brought each of our teenagers through their own process of surrender.  What once seemed to be so important no longer holds the highest priority in their lives.  We see God bringing all on a walk of surrender.  

Do we seriously see ourselves in Rwanda?  Yes, but there are still details to sort through.  Any transition takes time . . .so we wait and prepare as much as possible in the meantime.  We are trying to sell as much as we can, settle into a more subdued fall schedule and be prepared for when God says "Go".  We are prepared to obey, even if it means sacrifice. 

Home??

Back to our life in Canada. The time in Rwanda feels like a dream, but so much more.  As I was driving back home from an appointment, I caught the scent of diesel and instantly I longed to be back.  How do I begin to express the impact this trip made on my life? It was more than a mission, it was seeking out future possibilities for our family, for our future.  In discovering Rwanda, we didn't just want to see the beautiful, the needs, the land, we wanted to seek out what was challenging, difficult and heartbreaking.  If we are truly serious about living there, we couldn't  ignore the realities of the struggles we may face.  

Coming over as a white family would bring challenges.  Sacrifices would need to be made, the normal and comfortable would be stripped away.  I can understand that.  I experienced that while in India. So much is different in Rwanda, yet by the time we left, it felt comfortable. . .

What does this mean? Does it mean we are moving?  (Dozens are asking) well, quite honestly, IF God wants us there, we will go.  But, it's still a process, there's still clarifications we need, details to be sorted out . . .but, in it all, I am not stressed.  God will show us.

Settling back is challenging.  There is still the fatigue of jet leg, slight dizziness from malaria pills, reports to finish, school to plan and and a garage sale to prep for, plus a full calendar  . . .yet I am not stressed.  The fatigue will improve, the reports will be complied.  School prep (and supplies) will be ready in due time-if we start a few days late, it's ok. Garage sale is key, as funds will go back into our missions fund . . .good thing I have helpers:).  It will be fine.  As we learned in Rwanda--no worries.

The list of what I miss from Rwanda continues to grow, but at the top are the people.  I was so encouraged by Papa and Mama JoJo (so you know, when your first child is born, you take on that name as their Papa or Mama.  Kim and I would be Papa and Mama Nathan).  It's incredible how quickly your heart can connect with someone, regardless of race, status, etc.

I've heard that home is where your heart is.  If that's the case, I must hold a dual citizenship, as my heart is here with my family and there with the people of Rwanda.

Rwanda--What we are going to miss the most

Good morning from Rwanda . . .wow, that's the last time I will say that during this trip . . . Our suitcases are packed and waiting, we just finished a delicious breakfast and now we start to say goodbye. I am trying not to get too emotional, but this country has touched my heart so deeply, it will be hard to say goodbye.

So, what will I miss the most?  Every morning, when we get up, we are greeted warmly by everyone, "mwaramutse" (good morning) and a hand clasp or hand shake.  The bright smiles and welcoming faces will be missed.

At night, soon after the sun goes down, the chorus of frogs, crickets and toads sing a beautiful melody.  You could almost fall asleep to it, except for the interrupted roar of the traffic as it comes barreling down the hill.

The morning sounds are much the same.  The voices of children singing replace the alarm clock of Canada.  The sounds of the roosters and chickens in the neighborhood greet the rising sun and the soothing chatter of people all around add to the melody. 

Walking up and down the stairs have been good for the body (I never did count how many stairs are in the property . .. 100's, I think).  The stairs always are climbed faster with kids holding my hand and practicing their English with me. 

I will miss the cheerful visits with Mama JoJo as she comes early for a visit and a cup of mint tea.  Her gentle manner, encouraging words and deep faith both bless and challenge me. 

It will be sad to no longer see Kim with Papa JoJo walking around the property, fixing, improving, talking together as much as they can.  Though from completely different cultures, they have the same servant's heart and have become good friends.

In the afternoons, I will miss seeing the kids play and joining in with their many games.  We have played: capture the flag, parachute, what time is it Mr. Lion, red light green light, Canadian football, leap frog, and many, many more.  I will also miss sharing my story of Moshe (based on my travels to India) with the kids.  Every time they see me, they are asking for Moshe.  I am sure Kim will miss the kids getting so excited about "Chocolate (aka Banana, aka Sugar Cane) Box"--a drama about how too much of one thing can tempt you and separate you from God. 

The evenings will be different without family night--connecting with the kids, sharing stories, playing games, praying with them and just being together.  They've already memorized everything we've shared about our kids, if only they could somehow meet . . .

I will miss the drives (maybe not the crazy driving), but the people I see along the way--women and men balancing huge loads on their heads, people of all ages continually fetching water in the stained yellow and white jugs, little ones carrying babies on their backs, children working, children playing.  When we stop, they look up and excitedly wave at the "mazungus" in the truck. 

The landscape is so different from what we have.  Incredible terraced land (we found out mostly done by hand, by the prisoners), with buildings of all sizes, shapes and conditions, perched on the sides of the thousands of hills.  Villages every few kilometers grace the sides of the road, people everywhere.

I could go on and on. I can't say for certain that our family will be here or not, but I can say that whether you visit a country for 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years, when it's time to leave, you leave a part of your heart behind and take a piece of the country with you to treasure always.