Weeping and Joy

It's nearly midnight and sleep eludes me.  I am not stressed or overwhelmed, but instead, amazed at all that's happened this previous week.  The calendar show 46 days, my mimd feels it should be longer, but my heart is already preparing to be there. Tears come more frequently and the excitement is being replaced by mixed emotions as I face the reality of saying goodbye to what I hold dear right here.   There's no doubt where we are to be, but still, it's a bit of a grieving process.

True, every day there has been a tangible reminder that God is looking out for us.  We are being amazed daily over the generosity of those around us.  The weight of wondering how our flights and immunizations will be paid has been easing as we see the funds come in.  We do what we can in getting the word out and fundraising, but it is only God who can bring in what we need. . .and that has been exciting.  

This is really happening!  It hit me, late last night, after an incredible afternoon of tea and sharing with the ladies about Rwanda. There had been a silent auction and my teapot collection was sold.  It was great to be able to see how these teapots could help us get to Rwanda, but at the same time, it was hard.  Last night, as I gazed sat the empty spaces above my cupboards, I couldn't help but miss them a bit.  I guess it's the process of laying down who I was and stepping into who I am to be. With obedience comes sacrifice.  Rwanda means more to me than teapots.

The tears I shed today, however, were on a much deeper level.  A month ago, I began the process of saying goodbye when I visited my friend near Ottawa.  Now, the reality of saying goodbye here gets hard.  Seeing the tears in the eyes of friends who have laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me and encouraged me through so many challenges cuts straight to the heart.  Saying goodbye will be almost impossible . . .so I have to stick with "see you,soon" or beg them to come visit (not necessarily realistic).  Oh it is hard!  Oh how thankful I am.  Just as God is meeting our needs financially, so will He meet our needs spiritually, emotionally and relationally.  Instead of dwelling on these painful goodbyes, I rejoice in deep friendships that will stand the test of time.  I am thankful that I have a group of amazing people praying for me, supporting me, and those who "have my back" even when I don't feel it.   At the same time, I can have the privilege of praying for them, encouraging them and trusting that God will be there to meet every need that they have.  

Thankfully, we can Skype, Facebook & email--a privilege not found years ago.  

Weeping may last for a night but joy does come in the morning!