Step By Step

It is said that life is a journey, and every journey begins with a step. Some steps are confident, sure and full of promise, while others can be tentative, cautious or even unwilling. It's interesting, when I think of taking steps, I can't help but think of the parable of the talents. Two servants took what was given to them and moved forward, while one took what was given to him and buried it (or froze). This has me thinking about how often we can seemingly hit a brick wall.

So what is it that can make you clam up, freeze, or shut down? Often, it can be a traumatic event that brings to you a screeching stop. How do you move on after a death, divorce, injury or other life-changing event? What a challenge! There is no easy solution, except to slowly (and often painfully) put one step in front of the other. I've come to understand how deeply a tragedy can impact your life and all you want to do is curl up under a blanket and block out the rest of life. While grieving or dealing with the situation is vital, a part of healing is beginning to step again.

What about the infamous "rat race" or "getting stuck in a rut"? It's easy, comfortable, and predictable, but not necessarily what we are to always do with our life. Carving out a new path is hard, especially if it's not just for you, but for your family as well. It was just over a year ago, that I felt God was asking our family to carve out a new path. Well I acknowledged it, I didn't know exactly what that would look like. Our trip to Mexico certainly shifted our thinking (which is a good start), but where the path goes from here, I don't honesty know . . .

Which brings up another aspect of stepping forward. We often don't see the whole path, but only a small glimpse of what is next to come. This can be very unnerving for planners like me! I think often of Peter, disciple of Christ. When Jesus came walking on the water, Peter put out a challenge, asking if it were really Him, to ask him to come. Can you imagine what Peter felt when Jesus said, "Come"? Peter didn't know if the water would hold him, he didn't know what would happen in the storm, but he did step out. Even when the waves overwhelmed him, Jesus was right there. Wow! What if we are too scared to take the first step and miss the miracle? I don't want security and comfort to keep me from having the courage to step out when God calls me.


I am reminded that our Christian walk was never designed to be easy, but God has promised to always be with us! Let's just keep stepping forward and trust that God will direct our path.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5 & 6

I Choose Patience

Have you ever had your words come back and really bite you? Well, welcome to my week! Over the past weeks, I've been able to (hopefully) speak encouragement, remind others of how God has a plan, and be confident that we can rest in Jesus and trust Him for everything, from healing, to provision or clarity. Over this past week, I have been stretched in every way. Words that I have spoken or written have come straight back to me to apply myself.

The Bible is clear that we are to be hearers and doers of the Word, not just doers. For me, I can't just share my convictions, I need to follow them myself.

For example, I know God is our Healer. He has healed me physically and touched my heart and brought healing to my emotions. So, this past week, I have experienced the need for physical healing. Do I believe God can? Absolutely! Do I acknowledge the need to trust Him? Totally. Am I completely healed? Not yet, but it's a process that is taking place in my body, but the, it's an area of trust that's being strengthened in me.

Decisions and God's future plans have also been considered this week. . .Jeremiah 29:11 has echoed through my heart several times a day. God does have a plan for me and my family, it's not to harm me, but there's hope and a future. I just need to trust. . .and rest.

Fear has been another big one this week. Standing up for my convictions at the risk of people being displeased (HUGE for me, as I can't stand anyone being displeased with me). Can I step out and not be crushed (I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength).

Perhaps my biggest giant this week has been trust. Can I truly trust God with my innermost hopes, dreams and fears. Can I trust that He will show me His best without me second-guessing myself? Can I have peace in knowing that He will truly be there for me?

As I've walked through this past week, I've realized that while I know the answer to each of these questions (deep down, even though I may not want to admit it), I need to CHOOSE.

I need to choose to trust God for my healing, even though my symptoms are still present. I need to choose to accept that God has plans for me and not worry about tomorrow (tomorrow has enough worries of it's own, and does worry accomplish anything?). I need to be confident that when God lays something on my heart, I need to share it (prayerfully and in love) and choose to leave the end result in God's hands. I need to choose to trust God no matter what--that includes my family, my future, my dreams. I don't want sleepless nights filled with worry, I don't want headaches from stress. I choose to wait on God today. I choose patience.

Waiting

Have you ever been on a roller coaster? When it starts, you usually go around a curve and slowly up to the top. As you approach the crest of the hill, there's a moment or two just as you reach the peak that your heart is pounding and your stomach is in your throat because you know that the ride is going to be wild and crazy. . .and there's definitely no turning back.

I kind of felt like that today. Not because we signed up for any new or crazy adventure, instead, it was because I could see my family members getting struck by a sudden stomach flu one by one and I dreaded the thought of being sick. Fatigue from an interrupted night and a queasy stomach certainly added to my paranoia. I felt like I was on a ride I couldn't control and sooner or later I would succumb to the sickness. As the day carried on, I was torn between laying down and just letting it "hit me", or carrying on and doing all I could. I opted to carry on.

Oh how this parallels with life. So many times we feel overwhelmed with circumstances, fatigue, depression, sickness or grief. Just the thought of carrying on brings tears to our eyes. Subconsciously (or not), we are waiting for the other shoe to drop so we can succumb to or weakness. But wait, this is not what God intended! He has said that in our weakness, we are made strong, He has said He gives strength to the weary, He has said His grace is sufficient for us. We can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength.

There is no excuse. . .rats! I think what we fail to acknowledge is the need to carry on in HIS strength. Our strength in and of itself is rather pathetic, but with God's strength, look out!

Going back to the roller coaster, it's scary, it's fast, it can sometimes make you sick, but it's under control. What is even better, is when life feels like a roller coaster ride, you are not alone, God is right there with you, every step of the way, never letting you go!

For me, whatever tonight (or tomorrow) brings, I am choosing to trust God.

So What's the Point?

My husband came home from a meeting with an alarming stat of how many children, raised in a Christian home, decide to not attend church once they reach adulthood. It's something I've seen, but until now (where my teens are fast approaching adulthood), I really didn't pay attention. This poses a much deeper question of why we do what we do, are we simply "Going through the motions" as the Matthew West song says? What makes the difference? I believe it's a sense of purpose . . . But ask me again in 20 years:)

So often I have seen, heard and asked "what's the point?". Purpose. It's been said that if you aim for nothing, that is what you will get. This is so true in life, both in long term and short term goals . . .even with hopes, dreams, parenting, etc. Like so many other lessons in life, I can tie this back to our trip to Mexico. Our purpose in setting up chairs for 3 years was our mission's fund, our purpose for the trip to Mexico was to get our thoughts and focus off of ourselves and onto the needs of others. Our ultimate goal was accomplished and we've come home with a renewed focus.

In saying that, however, I am not portraying that we "have it all together". . .I have so much growing to do and our family is no where near perfection.

Since I started homeschooling,10 years ago, my goal has been to always instill in my kids a sense of purpose for them and their lives. This can be exemplified through their curriculum, activities and even their free time passions. I've had to recognize that each of them are different and allow them to be free to be who they have been called to be. Now, as I have 3 teens, I see different giftings rise up in them.

I cannot control their future choices, I have to trust that the seeds planted will bear fruit in the right season. I can, however, present opportunities for them to recognize that they have gifts and strengths to offer others, and, my husband and I need to lead by example by demonstrating that we have gifts and strengths to offer those around us. We can serve wholeheartedly, love wholeheartedly, and believe that God will direct us to where we can make a difference.

God says that when you seek Him with your whole heart, you will find Him--don't be afraid to seek Him for His purpose for you!

Walk by Faith, not in fear

Well, it's the new year, and I have to say that I am very glad to be in 2013.  Christmas this year was challenging . . . and not in the way I thought it would be.  I was expecting to have a hard time adjusting back to the general greed that is associated with the season of "giving and getting", that proved to be a huge weight taken off the shoulders of our entire family.  The challenge came in other ways.

From December 14th on, our oldest was very sick.  At first it looked to be a bad case of the flu (diagnosed as Influenza A), when he took a turn for the worse, we took him to the ER.  First guess was the flu, however tests revealed further problems.  Nathan's liver was inflammed.  There was concern for his other organs, so he was watched carefully to see if surgery was required.  Thankfully, we got to share Christmas night with him at home.  He was thin, weak and exhausted, but home.  When he returned to the hospital 2 days later (poor guy, on his 16th birthday), he was starting to look more like himself.  That's when I got the phone call . . . "hepatitis A" was the diagnosis, most likely from Mexico . . . guilt, fear and condemnation engulfed me as I tried to wrap my mind around the diagnosis. 

Before our trip, I was praying about whether or not to get the Hep A immunization . . . and honestly, I didn`t feel the need.  I had a peace about it.  After Nathan came down sick, I found myself questioning God and condeming myself.  Then, the panic set in.  This is highly contagious--though no one else in the family (or the team from Mexico) ever got sick or showed any symptoms.  However, we had been hosting people from the moment we returned home.  I needed to contact everyone who came to our home during a certain time frame (wow, talk about humbling).  I felt guilty, ashamed, crushed and scared to open my home again. 

Our family was quickly immunized against both the flu and hep A.  Further research with the health unit had us questioning whether Nathan really did pick up the virus in Mexico, the conclusion was more likely he picked it up on the trip home through some sort of deli sandwhich--at least that`s our best guess (we will never know for certain).

On January 3, we took Nathan back for further tests and he was given a positive doctor`s report--no lingering side effects, he just needed to gain back the 17 lbs he lost (he had already gained back 12 lbs in 6 days, so no problem).  He`s completely back to normal now, with no worried of being contagious.  We are settling into routine and planning and saving for a return trip to Mexico (fully vaccinated for Hep A next time).  I have had to face my fears and open our home for guests--though the families we had over were already vaccinated. 

I know there is nothing to fear, I know there is nothing to worry about, I know that God is bigger, but it has been an exercise of faith over fear for me, deep in my heart. 

So where do I go from here? Forward, with no looking back.  I choose to walk without fear, I will choose to be obedient when God asks me to step out and I will be obedient no matter what. 

I am Thankful

Tonight I sit in my son's hospital room. It's the day before Christmas Eve and I am thankful. My memory takes me back to just after Christmas, 16 years ago, when Nathan was born. He came a month early, surprising us while we were celebrating Christmas near Red Deer. It was fluid in the lungs that hindered his breathing. I vividly remember my empty arms, as I was discharged from the hospital 2 days later, never having held my firstborn. The next few days were a blur as we visited NICU day and night. While it wasn't the most ideal start to motherhood, I am thankful.

The last 10 days have been hard. With several (including myself) in our family sick, those last-minute preparations for Christmas never got done. With my oldest being so sick he couldn't move, my thoughts have obviously not been on the "to do" or "to get" list. Never-the-less, I am thankful.

Despite how I feel, God is bigger. What does it truly matter, if I don't have 6 dozen shortbread in the freezer? Is it really critical that I fill the stockings with "stuff"? Will the family suffer if I don't get the playroom's carpets shampooed?

I realize that I asked God to help me prioritize over this Christmas season. Gifts were simplified, spending cut, and extra-curricular dropped (not exactly by choice, but when the family is sick . . .) Christmas this year looks different. Still, I am thankful.

When my oldest was born nearly 16 years ago, because he came in Red Deer, most of the family could meet him. Circumstances were not what we planned, but God worked the details out. Yes, I had to leave the hospital without my baby, but it was only for a short time. New Year's Day, we were all together as a family.

Now, I find myself in the hospital with my oldest. In the 16 years of raising 5 children, this is the first time any of them have needed to spend time in the hospital. Amazing, really.

I am thankful. My son is getting better, he's going to come home soon. We are in a place where the health care is rather remarkable. The circumstances of this Christmas are a bit less then ideal, but not devastating. Who am I to complain?

It's so easy to get caught up in the drama of everyday life and allow unexpected circumstances to set us into a tailspin. God hasn't promised us an exemption or pass when it comes to difficult or challenging times. He has said He would never leave or forsake us. He has said His grace is sufficient, God gives us peace in the midst of the less then ideal.

I see God taking care of our family. I know that He is in control. For that, I am thankful

Extreme Heart Makeover--Mexico Edition

It's been years since I've watched the show "Extreme Home Makeover". I guess the excessiveness in which the homes were built ended up being too much for my taste. However, for some reason. I recorded it this weekend and watched it over the last couple of days. This time, I didn't watch it so much from the perspective of the recipients, instead, my eyes (and heart) were drawn to those doing the building. The parallels between the home makeover and the house build our team did in Mexico were unmistakeable. It didn't stop there, however, I have began to see specifically where my heart has shifted and my view on life has changed.

The extreme home makeover tv show comes in and builds a new home for a family in a week. Often it's an "over-the-top" home that generally stuns and overwhelms the family. The generosity is obvious, yet it goes way beyond meeting the family's needs (whether truly beneficial or not, I don't want to say). What is incredible is how much a focused team can accomplish in such a short time. More often than not, the team walks away impacted by the joy of giving.

When we traveled to Mexico and did the build, we had the great privilege of seeing a family's life transformed. What started as a hut with tarps and irrigation piping ended with a strong walled home complete with windows, door and roof. We were able to see a house built, outhouse dug and a family given hope in only 5 days! What's even more amazing is what this build and trip did for our own family.

I think the first change I've seen in my family is the embarrassment of how much stuff we truly have. There's closets and boxes and seasonal clothes and then the things we just don't wear, use or need . . . Ugh, it's time to be more generous with what we have, resourceful with what's around us and reasonable with what we truly need.

The second change has hit me hard. I've never shed as many tears as I have in the last 2 1/2 months. My heart feels like it has been laid bare, as I've been overwhelmed by first, the expression of love and support from our church, second, by the incredible people we met on the trip and third, by the heartache and need we encountered. I've shared about our church and friends (again, thank you, your generosity still brings tears to my eyes), and I've shared a bit about the people I've met. Honestly, if we could return to Mexico tomorrow, to serve with any incredible people we met, we would. Our heart longs to be back. The men, women and children we've been able to get to know are daily in our thoughts and prayers. We see how God is moving, we see how His love is demonstrated daily and we see the impact that is being made on the community.

Most of the tears shed, however, have been for the needs we encountered. Daily, our hearts were touched by the poverty, pain, joy, and heartache we saw. In some, there was tremendous joy despite horrific circumstances, in others, a lifetime of pain reflected in the eyes of the very young. We were faced with things we never thought we would witness within driving distance (albeit a very long drive). We don't even look at our food the same way . . .after seeing the miles of greenhouses where much of our fruits and vegetables grown.

We were asked today if the trip was worth it . . .the years of saving, tears, sacrifice, driving, stomach ailments, fatigue . . . yes, a thousand times yes! It was a trip and an extreme heart makeover of a lifetime!