Distractions, Division, Disappointment, Discussion, Devotion

Sleep is overrated, or at least absent.  Maybe it's because of the millions of details rushing through my head, or it could be that latte I was given at 5:35 pm, or because of the much-needed "discussion" Kim and I had 11:30 pm . . .whatever the reason, it's 1:15 am and I am still awake.  

July was a crazy month.  What began as storms in June, became tidal waves of work in July.  Kim was  nearly drowning in calls for work (a good thing), while still fighting a knee injury (not so good).  So 12-14 hour work days didn't leave much time to focus on Rwanda.  I knew work was crazy, but didn't understand how intense the pressure was.  At the same time, I was focused on Africa--probably a bit too much:(  While the Kenya team walked through a fiery trip, being caught in our own separate worlds didn't exactly build family unity.  

Misunderstanding led to disappointment . . ., but sometimes it takes these disappointments and even frustrations coming to a peak in order for a resolution to take place.  Reality is there will always be disappointments in a marriage or relationship, so there will be plenty of opportunities for those "discussions" which are most productive when concluded with an "I am sorry" or "I forgive you". 

So why does this bug me so much?  Probably because we are going to be on an airplane to Africa soon and we really SHOULDN'T be disagreeing/disappointing or misunderstanding each other . . .after all, aren't we  . . ."missionaries" called to be "perfect"? (tongue in cheek, complete with sarcasm).  Ouch!  Am I supposed appear perfect or real?  Hmm, what would Jesus do?

The bible never glossed over the imperfections of the many heroes (who happened to be human).  Perfection wasn't required from humans, instead grace and love was demonstrated.  God used the most unlikely to change the world.  

My biggest fear in going to Rwanda?  Making a mistake and offending someone.  Chances are it will happen.  So, when it does, will I never show my face again?  No, as hard as it will be, I will admit my mistake, apologize and keep trying.  The reality is that we all will make mistakes, argue, be grumpy, have bad days or worse, but does that stop us from trying to make a difference?  I hope not!  You are not expected to achieve perfection in order to be used by God, no one, aside from the Son of God, is perfect.  Just be willing to step out.

I think I can sleep now, there's clear communication between Kim and I,  hope for what is to come and an excitement for a great adventure.  Hey, if God can use us imperfect people, He can use you, too!