Picking up pieces

Hi everyone. Yes, indeed it has been a while to put something down.  I made a promise to honor the writing that Renae had started.  Life has taken quite a twist, and I do not know what to expect one day to the next.  I shall recap some of the last several weeks. 

We had decided to return back to Canada to do the final effects for Renae.  While doing so, We had asked for two dear friends to help us come and pack up the house and clean up business good.  In the process, we as a family pondered life,and really grieved together as a family. We saw several small miracles happening this time. One big divine encounter happened when dear friends working around us had contacted a grief councelor our behalf.  We found out she was from a Cdn city close to where we lived, and having worked in Kigali for a couple years. Cool, this counsellor knew of Rwandan and Canadian culture.  We were able to have several sessions in the brief time there, and help with a foundation to work together.  I found out after the fact that many people were working around the clock to try to get us home as quickly as possible. This does not normally happen, especially with a national holiday in the process.  Emotionally, we could not stay in our mission house, because we had did some extra work cleaning and making it special for her returning home, only to have our lives turn sideways in the afternoon. 

 The compassion home we stayed at had young children for the youngest two to play with.  Both this family and the next door family had dealt with family tragedies that helped us understand more of the grieving process.  We saw so many small things come together in a few days. Long story shortened, we were able to pack up all things, complete business,havae a memorial service, and secure Renae to come home safely in around six days, probably ought to take several weeks. Only God could have made this possible.  Govt agencies there want original paperwork, and take their time, somehow the process came through when it needed to, although it was very trying at the time.  

The last day before heading back to Canada was a designated time at a beautiful lake.  This was so important for us to officially say goodbye to this land, but also to really grieve in a proper way.  It was so hard to realize the only reason we were there, well, is because she wasn't.

How does life continue somehow?  Now what?  I know these questions rise up from any who lost a close person.  I have to wonder if the disciples said the same questions around the cross of Jesus.  I wonder if people in distant areas did not hear the news for a time, maybe as long as several months.  Would those same people heard eventually that He rose again?   

While the last days in a compassion house, I got to spend a lot of time looking across the valley and picturing what was going on in the beginning of the genoside, but I had to wonder the same questions.    What really happened here?  Who would clean up the ugliness of the multitude of bodies?  How does life continue now? Is there any hope anywhere?  Yes, there is. I got the privilege to talk and grieve with some young young people who trusted me enough to tell their stories.  Just these encouraged me enough there is hope, you can survive, God uses the picture for a bigger good. I just have to pick up the pieces, and give them over to Another who can do so much more with it. 

As I try to compile this later on, I am in a thick emotional fog.  How do we do the nessassary things? How does life continue somehow?  Now what?  I know these questions rise up so frequently in my own head.  I just have to pick up the pieces..God can still use them.

Changes

Hello everyone. Have you ever noticed how life sometimes makes changes that you never expect? We have seen a lot here in this amazing country of Rwanda.  Genocide memorial week here covered the news this past week. Some of the rules in place for the week include: a half day working only in the morning, no drums to be played, no football (soccer) games, if children are to play it is quietly, and respectfully.  I have looked over the valley here and see the city in the distance, I have to wonder what it would have looked like  20 years ago.  I my mind, I can see fire in many places, gunshots all over, people running, screaming, general mayhem  and anarchy in a very short order. I look at the mist, I cannot help wonder what was going on  a night before, or even few hours earlier,  Did anyone know trouble was brewing, or was the events a complete blindside. Much does not make sense, even years later- i have heard so many people have thought "what was I thinking? Where do i go?  Now what?"  Yet, in the midst of it, the people are making strides to heal the wounds of the past.  I have learned the government tries to provide many opportunities to get counselling to deal with the emotional scars.  Many meetings are in the afternoon to allow people to express emotion, or just to talk.  I find the healing that has happened  has been small, but profound steps.
As i look at the events of the last week, how parallel our life is compared to the people here.  I have learned of emotion that can only be found in loosing a close person.  I have learned to have a lot more patience in knowing I cannot change to many circumstances.  I have learned of how deep that fog can quickly become.  I have learned gained a deeper level of crying out in a time of need, Somehow God brings just the right people into play.  My life is not big, but my God is, even if I do not have a clue what to do.
My life is forever altered in a moment.  My friends here over the age of 20 were altered on a moment. They have learned to start differently. I see the growth has been incredible in this country; while mine will just begin. Healing has progressed, i hope mine does too. Are you ready if time is cut short?  However many car accidents or shootings or whatever bad may come, are you ready for eternity? With  Easter approaching quickly, I had to wonder as much as Jesus spoke of His death coming, how much did it  blindside them at the day of?  When Jesus rose again, he gave the disciples a new life, a new purpose, a new direction.  He conquered the finality of he grave,  lives now transformed.

Renae is no longer with us, she is in a better place, totally transformed.  We shall celebrate her life on April 23, Lethbridge, at 1:30.   
Sometimes God does change plans very quickly..... 

Old things coming alive...

Hi everyone, I'm so sorry there has not been a blog for a while.  Let me explain our life over the last several weeks. With rainy season happening we have lost Internet connection more than like to admit.      However, on a much more serious note, Renae came down with a stomach ailment that has really stopped life as was known, down to just what is necessary. This has come onto her March 16 suddenly, into the hospital for several days, home to start the recovery, only to see a big slide about a week later, and being  admitted again, this time for over a week.  Kim has come in daily to visit and be with, but there is also tending to our children, and doing whatever slight bit needed to be kept running at the children's home.  It sure was not easy to be in the different directions  simultaneously .  The doctors had no concrete idea, even after running some tests, it seemed to take a while for symptoms to be eliminated.  So now, a little later, we do have some concrete points to go with.  Even though it is painful in the process, it is good to praise God in the midst of it, there is a starting point.
Many years ago when Renae was in collage, she got the privilege of going on a mission trip to India with a missionary friend.  Sadly, while there her appendix ruptured, spewing poison all into her abdomum .  Later on  in life, difficult pregnancies took their toll as well.  Now, a few years later still, stomach issues showed its ugly head once again.  Renae has found  out she does have a case of gastritis, but due to previous events, what should take a few days for most people to recover from, could take several weeks.

The doctors have been doing their best, and unknown to us until recently, several international doctors have been monitoring vitals behind the scenes. It has been a process of patience for Kim, often the western approach seems to hit a problem with many tests, fnnd something unusual or spiked, the find a solution.  It does appear here in this country there is more of a "sniper" approach, eliminate on symptom at a time, then find a solution.  Both work , just  a difference of time.                  

I am thankful we have medicine and technology today. I have wondered going  through this storm, what could have this looked like 50 years ago, or even 100 when support looked much different?

Have you ever noticed how things you thought were taken care of, and fully recovered from, come back to haunt us sometimes? Maybe health issues, or a particular habit that could have started as a younger one, released  from for many years, suddenly creep in  twenty years later.  I look at the events of the past, I had to wonder did I fully renew my mind on that subject according to the Bible,  or did I just say for knowledge, not a change in attitude?   Hmmm, points to ponder.

Renae is not discharged from the hospital yet, hoping in the next day or two. Please keep praying for her and the rest of the family.

 Blessings to you all.
-Kim

Escape the parasite

For years, worry seemed to be the "honourable" way to show care or concern.  It was acceptable and even applauded.  My views of worry shifted dramatically when I read a devotional that compared worry to a parasite, feasting on our negative thoughts.  I don't about you, but that paints a rather shocking picture--something out of a sci-fi movie . . .ewww!

Worry can attack us anytime, anywhere.  It can seem petty (wondering about a job getting paid for, needs being met), or it can feel very serious (will I find a job, get better? Be able to pay my rent?) never-the-less, the results are the same--more emphasis is placed in the problem, instead of the problem solver.  

The bible takes a clear stand on worry.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34 NIV)

Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. (Luke 12:22 NIV)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. (Psalm 55:22 NIV)

So, despite the bible warning us not to worry, why is is we find ourselves falling into worry's trap?  

Perhaps part of the problem is fear of the unknown.  As we were getting rady for our first flight on the journey to Rwanda, the youngest two were excited, confident and ready for the adventure.  They proudly found their seats and settled in for the ride.  It wasn't until we were thundering done the runway and beginning to lift off the ground that my youngest realized that we would be traveling in the air.  As he looked outside at the city lights fading away, he tightly gripped my hand and asked if we would fall out of the sky.  Worry was etched on his face as he tried to blink away tears.  I closed the window shutter and we talked about the pilot, how the plane flew and trusting in God.  In a few hours, he was looking outside.  At the next plane ride, he was looking outside and more excited.  By the last flight, both boys were anticipating take-off, their worry was replaced by trust.  

What about legitimate dangers?  How do we balance wisdom and caution with worry?  We've had to do this.  The first came with driving.  Driving in Rwanda is not relaxing.  It's not the time to lose yourself in a book.  It's honestly the time you probably pray the most!  Very quickly after arriving, Kim took on the role as driver.  I needed to trust in his abilities and trust that God is with me.  Kim does excellent here.  He's watchful, aware and adventurous enough to avoid hazards.  When I start to fret, I remember that traffic accidents occur just as often in Canada . . .

Being sick has been challenging, especially when it was Joel.  Worry welled up quickly and I really needed to keep handing it over to God (casting cares, right?).  God directed us and we stepped out when needed to.  As a result, Joel is completely recovered.  Now I am just getting over being sick.  It's been slow and frustrating, but I know God has been with me.  Was I worried? Honestly, no, I compared it with feeling under the weather in Canada and based my next step off of that.  I still see God is with me.

Perhaps taking a stand against worry has been our family's biggest growth point in being here.  We are learning to not allow the parasite (ugh, just the thought is gross) of worry to attach itself to us.  We are thankful for God's lesson:)

Be blessed today and thank you for your continued prayers and support.  We appreciate you so much!

It Matters

A boy was walking along the seaside, tossing starfish back into the ocean, or so the story goes.  He was asked why he should bother, he can't save them all?  He paused, looked at the starfish in his hand and said that it mattered to this one, as he tossed it back.  

Can one person truly make a difference?  What if they are faced with overwhelming need?  

Every day we see overwhelming need.  Almost every day we ask ourselves if we truly can make a difference.  Dotted along the black road (main highway) are villages like ours--thousands, each with minimal water, extreme poverty, high unemployment and families who may not know when their next meal is coming.  How can we help them?

The reality is, we can't help everyone we see, no matter how much we long to.  However, we can help those we have been brought to serve.  We have orphans we can invest in, they have sponsors, education, health care, a good spiritual foundation and a hope for a better future.  We also have started a bible school. Here, these students are not only learning the Word of God, but they are also getting basic training in business, electrical, sewing and ESL--all with the hope of finding a job and a better future.  Even here, there are sacrifices.  The small (by our standards) tuition is still a heavy load for some, so the sacrifice to come to school may include giving up a meal.  Daily we see students who are hungry, yet come ready and willing to learn.  With a church opening up, we see members of the community attend with very little, yet excited to be in the house of God!

So, how can we make a difference?  By being here, we are able to share what gifts and talents we have with those around us.  Kim's enthusiasm in meeting new people has brought smiles to those around him, laughter to the children and giggles to the bible school students.  Nathan's gentle manners and passion for music is influencing the children and young adults alike. Abby already has a crowd of kids that can't wait to hold her hand, play with her and stick close.  Plus, she has a dedicated group of students who want her to teach them English.  Naomi's energy and enthusiasm keep up with the energy of the children here, they have found someone who will play as hard as them.  If you know Naomi, you know she won't quit, either, but will give her all in everything!  Joel and Ethan have a vital role in playing with the kids.  The bond they have with the children is special.  I am enjoying the administrative aspect, being able to find ways to take the creativity everyone offers and bring it all together.  Because of the help I have around me, I don't need to shoulder the load alone.  It has been great to see that our family can contribute here and make a small difference in the world around us.

There is still room for more.  We can manage the day by day, but we welcome individuals, couples, families or teams who would like to see what life is like in Rwanda.  If you love sports, the kids would love to learn from you, if you love teaching, the kids and bible school students could learn so much from you. What about music? Construction? Gardening? Computers? Crafts? Sewing? Business skills? Pastoral or youth?  The list could go on, if you are willing, there is a place for you.  You have the potential to change lives here.

In addition to changing lives, your own eyes will be opened to how the majority of the world lives.  We will introduce you to beautiful land of a thousand hills, village and farm life as well as life in a children's home.  We will take you shopping in the local market and take you on the incredible journey of walking to school (up hill both ways).  You will see and understand life in another culture and gain a new appreciation for the blessings you have.  You will also witness a peace, gentleness and spirit of thanksgiving that shines brightly.

We are about 45 minutes from the airport in Kigali, along a good highway.  We have a mission house with running water, comfortable beds, warm showers and western food.  Accommodations are reasonable and our family would love to introduce you to this country and people who are so dear to us.  Will you change the world?  Probably not, but you will have the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of people here . . .as well as have your own life changed.  

Something From Nothing

The walk to school itself is an adventure--excited children, steep hills, interesting people and of course, everyone is excited to greet and walk right beside the white people making the journey with the kids.  The trip was made even more exciting when this one man began to play music.  It didn't look like he had much--only a bone, some wire, a stick with a banana-fibre bow and a bit of padding, but the music that came out of this unique instrument was unlike anything ever heard before (kind of like a vilolin and a banjo mixed together).  A crowd soon gathered, enjoying the tune.  When he was done, applause all around.  Who would have thought these seemingly useless items could be brought together to create music?  

Creativity abounds here.  What is lacking in tools is made up for by unstoppable creativity and ingenuity.  A few days ago, one of our youngest girls was patiently tying a piece of wire around a stick and a broken lid. After a few attempts, she stood up and tested it--success!  The wheel on a stick worked perfectly.  A new toy was created.  

Businesses are built from creative minds.  There's a furniture company that uses a hammer, planer, and small handsaw.  The finished product is beautiful!  

What we would automatically discard or write off as junk or garbage is given an opportunity to serve a new purpose here.  Instead of continuing in our "throw-away society" mentality, we need to look for hidden possibilities and the treasure among the rubble.  

How great God is at doing this with us!  When we reach a point of wanting to give up on ourselves or our dreams or manage to convince ourselves that we will never amount to anything, God delights in taking our brokeness, hurts and losses and making them into something beautiful, useful and treasured by Him.  

Let's not be so quick to give up on others or ourselves.  Scripture reminds us again and again that God delights in using the unlikely to carry out His master Plan.  When I feel small and insignificant, I think of David--overlooked by his own father.  If I feel inadequate, I remember Gideon--he hid when danger came!  What about feeling unworthy of God's grace and forgiveness?  Bathsheba, Rahab, even Ruth--each of these women were so completely accepted by God, they are listed in the lineage of Christ!  

Next time we feel quick to judge, discard or count ourselves or someone else out, remember that God sees the treasure while the rest of the world only sees broken garbage.  Oh that we may see with heavenly eyes!