A Tale of Two Trips

Flash flooding, lost luggage, missed flights, I've been following the news carefully and wondering what would I do if I were in the same situation.  While it sounds like a disastrous trip, these frustrations have plagued the team from our church who just arrived in Kisumu, Kenya today.  They were the first of two teams heading to Africa this summer.  Kim and I will leave in just over 3 weeks and make up the 2nd team.  

It's amazing how teams heading to 2 countries so close to each other can have such a different purpose and agenda.  The team in Kisumu is coming as a result of an urgent need--an orphanage in crisis.  A "Crisistunity" it's been termed--an opportunity presented in the midst of a crisis.  The orphanage was in rubble, the children only eating once every 3 days, the walls so broken down strangers could wander in at any given time.  Tragic.  An urgent need requiring immediate action.  

At first, it was this need Kim and I responded to.  However, as we met with the director of missions, she saw something else for us, a need--though not as urgent--that had come up in Rwanda.  

As I've mentioned before, the orphanages are in a state of transition in Rwanda.  Distant family members are being called upon to raise the children without parents.  The deadline is the end of this year for the doors to be closed on the orphanages throughout the country (whether good or bad, I don't know . . . I will hopefully understand more after our trip).  What is left is a facility that will be empty while many are still in need of hope. We have been asked to visit and really learn and scout out he area.  Yes, we are bringing suitcases filled with gifts, but these are for November.  

Instead of coming laden with things to give out, we come with open ears and a readiness to listen.  While the other team faces incredible and overwhelming need, we face a blank slate and endless opportunities.  While the team in Kenya will be working extremely hard to make a tiny dent in what needs to be done, we will need to take our time to carefully hear what is being said and understand what the needs truly are.  While one team goes to "do", another goes to "hear", it's two completely different jobs, but ultimately the same purpose--to hopefully make a difference.

Perhaps the biggest challenge we will face in the days and weeks to come will be that of "measuring" the success of our trip.  Unlike Mexico or even Kenya, it will not be by the buildings built, people fed or the number of suitcases brought.  For us, it will need to be about the people we met, the stories we heard, the concerns voiced and hopefully the encouragement we are able to give.  I think of the book of Ecclesiastes, where it speaks of a time for everything.  Perhaps, as we prepare for Rwanda, we need to recognize that this will be a time of listening, of stillness, dreaming, praying and truly seeking God in what His hopes and dreams are for this nation that has lost much, yet still found the strength and hope to move forward.  

Reality is beginning to set in

As weekends with extended family go, this last weekend was one the best we spent with family. The long weekend had enough time  that we didn't feel rushed.  It was spent reconnecting with family  that live far away, enjoying nieces and nephews and dreaming of Rwanda.  When the time our family to depart,everything went smoothly. To our shock, the doorbell rang 20 minutes later and my sister in law stood there, tears in her eyes, having come back for one last hug.  That's when it hit me--these moments we automatically take for granted were now numbered.  The remaining visits we could have before leaving Rwanda could very easily be counted on one hand. . .

Suitcases are being filled and the visas came back approved today.  One month until we fly. . .until our life could be radically changed.  I am finding I no longer lay awake at night mulling over the details of what needs to be done.  God has been giving me wisdom and grace to know what to do each day.  I still don't sleep quickly, however, as I am now pondering the incredible possibilities in front of us.  I see dreams, passions and excitement rising up in my children and I sense a calm and steadiness in a much deeper  level in my husband. Something is happening within my family . . .and it is good!

Reality is beginning to sink in, it could be the last dance recital, preschool grad, camp adventure . . for quite some time.  While the prospect of missing life carrying on here is very real, there is the adventure and curiosity about what could be in store just around the bend for us.  Goodbyes become more meaningful, friendships more precious, activities, culture, and day to day living are recognized more as privileges and less as rights.  I find myself truly seeking out what holds the most value--both in possessions and time. As I sort, give away and ponder, I can be easy to fall into regrets of "if only's" (if I let myself).  Overall, though, it's the packing up of one life and opening up the possibility of something completely different.  Faith, trust, sacrifice, surrender and total reliance on God have taken on new meanings as we step forward in a brand new direction. 

The best is yet to come!

Suspended

The flood waters are beginning to recede and for many, lives are returning to normal.  My heart broke yesterday, however, when I read the Facebook post of a college friend from a flood town.  While others are cleaning up and surveying the damage, this family (and many others) are still waiting.  It's although life has been put on pause while the rest of the world carries on.  While I can't imagine the frustration of not being at home, losing everything familiar and everything familiar in life being suddenly stripped away, I can relate to the not knowing.

My heart is taking me in two directions as I write today, so please bear with me.  As we witnessed and dealt with the sudden flooding, I was amazed at how quickly life can take on a whole new direction.  In just a few short hours, you can go from trying to wrap up your school year, write exams and welcome summer to being evacuated quickly to avoid rushing flood waters.  Jobs, businesses and day to day life changes dramatically without a chance to physically or mentally prepare.  We can make our plans, but God knows what the future holds.

At the same time, I am reading of northern India, where over 1000 lost their lives in flash flooding.  Many more are now homeless with limited infrastructure to help them rebuild.  What started as a holiday or pilgrimage ended with a tragic, life-altering event. How does one even begin to pick up the pieces and move forward?

On perhaps a different scale altogether, I can relate.  In a way, I feel as though our life has been suspended between two worlds.  A year ago, we knew we were to be focusing on missions.  Our upcoming trip to Mexico had been anticipated for nearly 3 years.  Both the preparation ahead of time and the trip itself proved to be life-shifting.  We didn't really go through the let-down after the trip . . .instead, we found ourselves thrown into the intensity of an ill child over the holidays.  After that, our family focus was reaching out to a mom in need, then dealing with her tragic suicide.  Squeezed in the middle of that was a question that set a whole new adventure in motion, "Would we be willing to GO?".

By no means is this complaining. If anything, placing the last year's events in a timeline helps me to understand where I am today--suspended between here and Africa.  Would we go? Yes!  Did we expect this? No, but God doesn't usually give us plenty of warning before our lives are turned upside down.  While our hearts are drawn to Africa, there's still the waiting, praying, visiting and deciding.  We know God will show us if we are to move, but life needs to carry on here.  Downsizing needs to take place, but not necessarily getting rid of everything. Planning and saving for Rwanda needs to happen, but working and carrying on with business and life day to day must remain stable .  In every way, we are caught between two worlds.  Normal for our family is undefined as we seek out where our fit is.

Immediately after finding out about Africa, God gave me a verse:

Yet I am confident I will see the Lord ’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. (Psalms 27:13, 14 NLT)

Even though we wonder what tomorrow will bring, we can wait upon the Lord.

For my friends who are displaced, suspended between two worlds, my prayers are with you.  May God surround you with peace in this time of uncertainty, grant you rest wherever you are and provide for your every need.  You are not forgotten!

The measure of me

It was a simple question, really, but as I dug deeper, there was more to it . . . how "spiritual" are we??

Wow, oh, ah, hmm, so . . .how do you measure spirituality?  There really is no easy answer.  Most often we have a preconceived picture in our head about how a spiritual person looks.  We at quick to berate ourselves if we don't meet these expectations and too often we look down on others who don't meet these expectations.  How do we break these discouraging cycle?

Years ago, at a women's conference, the speaker was touching on this very topic.  We too often strive to find a model or measuring stick that we can model ourselves after.  As the speaker was going through her examples of lofty expectations and feelings of failure, she was holding up a meter stick.  It was a startling visual of how inadequate most of us can feel.  All of a sudden, she cracked the measuring stick over her knee, breaking it in two.  She then held up the pieces in the shape of the cross.  This was about 10 years ago and I still can remember the gasp of understanding that went through the crowd as it dawned on us how often we fall into the trap of using the wrong measuring stick.  

Where does the measure of our "spirituality" come from?  We can aspire to be like Jesus, but honestly, we will never measure up to the perfect Son of God, instead, we need to look to the cross and what Jesus did on that cross.  He took all our guilt, shame and condemnation on the cross.  It is only by the grace of God that we can ever imagine being used by Him.  

I've said it before, I love seeing in the Bible how God used what we would consider the most unlikely or "unspiritual" person.  Consider Moses--a murder, Samson--a ladies man, David--an adulterer, Jonah--a runner . . .and the list goes on.  What did the men and women of the bible have in common? They were in the right time and place to be used by God--they were willing!  These men and women were willing to be used by God and the results (fruit) were tangible.  

So, how do you measure spirituality?  I really don't think we can, only God sees the heart.  I believe our lives are to be an example of what it means to walk surrendered to God and strive to do what He wants.

**this was written over 2 weeks ago and was not a copy of any sermon . . .

Matters of the heart

I have heard it said many times to let your heart lead you, or to follow your heart . . .however, I have seen and experienced so much heartbreak when I (or someone else) chose to let their emotions guide them.  If we gauged our life on our emotions, what a tragic journey it would be.  I have to admit I don't remember many key lines from movies, but there is one that stands out to me.  It's from "Fireproof" in the context of relationships and marriage.  Here, it is said to not follow your heart, but instead, LEAD your heart. . . Do we fully comprehend how powerful our choice can be?

It's been a few weeks of intensive learning on this matter.  As circumstances have come up, we've had to choose carefully how we were going to respond instead of letting our emotions carry us.  This hasn't been easy.  Our natural bent is to let our emotions dictate how how our day will go and influence our decisions. How many times have my emotions gotten the best of me and I spent days trying to repair the damage caused by out-of-control emotions?

If our emotions can be used to hinder us, how can they be used in a positive light?  It comes back to our choice and recognizing what the Holy Spirit can do for us and embracing it fully.  We need to CHOOSE to let God in.

 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (Galatians 5:22 NLT)

When I apply this principle to my life right now, I will choose to count my blessings and recognize what I have, not what I lack.  When thankfulness rises up, I recognize that my circumstances (no matter what) don't have the power to dictate where my joy comes from; my stress level decreases and I find myself laughing more and worrying less.  The weight and burden of what I am facing shifts from my shoulders to God's . . .all through choosing instead of running with feelings.

It's 64 days until we fly.  Kim's knee is healing, but it is slow.  The jobs are daily being added.  I do feel overwhelmed, but I am choosing to not let that dictate my day to day living.  One step at a time, I can check off what is done, prioritize what remains, and, at the end of the day, leave the pressures and worries and choose to trust God for the rest I need.  It comes back to what I choose!

Daring to Dream

When we were first approached by our pastor about considering going overseas, our pastor reassured us that he wanted to support us in reaching our dream.  I was puzzled by that statement, because I didn't really see longer-term missions as part of my dream (though my heart was definitely drawn there).  My husband had recently started his own business and had incredible dream and vision for his business, but after nearly three years, many of those dreams seemed out of reach.

When Kim and I were interviewed, the first statement out of Dr. Hazel's mouth were, "We need someone to teach how to do the gutters (eavestrough) right in Rwanda."  As we researched, prayed and planned, more clarity of the need in Rwanda came into light.  The more we discovered, the more we were in awe of what a fit this trip seemed to be for our family--especially where my husband's passions and dreams lie.  

Even in the last few weeks, we've been challenged by incredible speakers and seeking out what God has been teaching us.  Everything points to stepping out to walk out your dreams.  What strikes me the most is that my husband--who says he hasn't dared to dream--is finding out that his dreams can be realized . . .wow, I am overwhelmed, humbled and generally in awe of what God is doing.  

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day living that we forget to dream.  Dreaming isn't being discontent about where you are, instead, it's about setting a marker ahead of you and looking towards that point, measuring progress and moving in the right direction.  It's not about age, but outlook, it's not about present circumstances, but instead about having a hope for the future.  Again, I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Dreams, hope and our future come from God, the Giver of Life.  What is your dream?

Really???

Almost daily I find myself wrestling with the fact that we could really be going to Rwanda as missionaries.  My husband put it well when he said that he has a list of excuses a mile long . . .but every excuse turns into a "why not".  As I am faced with my shortcomings and failures daily, I can't help but feel that that God can't use me . . .until I take a look at the Bible.

What I love about the Word of God is the transparency and reality portrayed in each person.  The mistakes, failures and shortcomings were not glossed over.  Leaders were not portrayed as "god-like" with superhuman powers.  Instead, we see that these men and women were very human and subject to the same struggles and shortcomings we deal with day in and day out, yet God, in His great mercy, chose to use them.  Perfection was only seen in the life of Jesus, Son of God.  

When we come to God with a repentant heart, God doesn't dredge up every failure or condemn us for what we did or did not do.  Forgiveness is ours, freely given, all we need to do is ask.  Yet we tend to heap condemnation and judgement upon ourselves (and others), completely ignoring the fact that God has removed our sins far from us.  

"He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. (Psalms 103:12 NLT)"

 

I can grasp God providing for us to go to Rwanda, even taking care of the details such as house, job, flights, school, etc.  I can get excited about the possibilities, the changes and even our safety, but  I find myself struggling with the reality that God can really use ME?? 

Wow!  I am humbled, overwhelmed and in awe.  Despite my failures, God wants to use me.  Despite the many mistakes I've made, God sees potential in me, God truly has plans for our family--how incredible!

Our church has an interesting philosophy right now--no perfect people allowed.  Just in saying that, I can shake off the pressure of trying to live without mistakes.  This does not excuse bad behaviour, but instead makes room for God's grace.  It's okay if I don't always feel confident, or say and do everything right, I am allowed to be real--and the reality is I am far from perfect.  

I am starting to see that the biggest hindrance to stepping and doing what God calls us to do is us.  How many times do we dismiss what God is whispering in hearts because of our own feelings of inadequacy?  It's time to choose to stop being hindered by yesterday and step forward ready to embrace today and all God has for us.  At the same time, let's not trap others in the bog of their past, but allow them to step forward into what God has for them.  

I don't want to be my own greatest enemy.  Today, I choose to forgive myself for yesterday, let go of those regrets and trust God with my future.  I know I will make mistakes, but I am confident that God will see me through and never let me go.