Really???

Almost daily I find myself wrestling with the fact that we could really be going to Rwanda as missionaries.  My husband put it well when he said that he has a list of excuses a mile long . . .but every excuse turns into a "why not".  As I am faced with my shortcomings and failures daily, I can't help but feel that that God can't use me . . .until I take a look at the Bible.

What I love about the Word of God is the transparency and reality portrayed in each person.  The mistakes, failures and shortcomings were not glossed over.  Leaders were not portrayed as "god-like" with superhuman powers.  Instead, we see that these men and women were very human and subject to the same struggles and shortcomings we deal with day in and day out, yet God, in His great mercy, chose to use them.  Perfection was only seen in the life of Jesus, Son of God.  

When we come to God with a repentant heart, God doesn't dredge up every failure or condemn us for what we did or did not do.  Forgiveness is ours, freely given, all we need to do is ask.  Yet we tend to heap condemnation and judgement upon ourselves (and others), completely ignoring the fact that God has removed our sins far from us.  

"He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. (Psalms 103:12 NLT)"

 

I can grasp God providing for us to go to Rwanda, even taking care of the details such as house, job, flights, school, etc.  I can get excited about the possibilities, the changes and even our safety, but  I find myself struggling with the reality that God can really use ME?? 

Wow!  I am humbled, overwhelmed and in awe.  Despite my failures, God wants to use me.  Despite the many mistakes I've made, God sees potential in me, God truly has plans for our family--how incredible!

Our church has an interesting philosophy right now--no perfect people allowed.  Just in saying that, I can shake off the pressure of trying to live without mistakes.  This does not excuse bad behaviour, but instead makes room for God's grace.  It's okay if I don't always feel confident, or say and do everything right, I am allowed to be real--and the reality is I am far from perfect.  

I am starting to see that the biggest hindrance to stepping and doing what God calls us to do is us.  How many times do we dismiss what God is whispering in hearts because of our own feelings of inadequacy?  It's time to choose to stop being hindered by yesterday and step forward ready to embrace today and all God has for us.  At the same time, let's not trap others in the bog of their past, but allow them to step forward into what God has for them.  

I don't want to be my own greatest enemy.  Today, I choose to forgive myself for yesterday, let go of those regrets and trust God with my future.  I know I will make mistakes, but I am confident that God will see me through and never let me go.