Beyond Worry

It's been a day.  The morning started off crazy with not enough sleep, computer glitches and then the phone call--the renters we had canceled.  Did I mention we leave in 15 days?  There wasn't really enough time to ponder the full implications, because the house was filled with hustle and bustle of people coming and going.

  Business bills are due, deductions are needing to be paid and right now, I really don't know how payday will happen--don't even get me started on our own bank account, and yet . . .

How am I doing? Well, my first thought when I received the phone call from the potential renter, cancelling was, "OK, now I REALLY know that we are to be in Rwanda!".  The panic flitted in and out quickly, but didn't stick.  When I calculated out business accounts, I am realizing that the transition to supporting two families, time taken to train and 6 weeks of tough weather were not a surprise to God.  As we look at our own bank account (and learn from the accountant how low our 2013 income was), I am reminded that God takes care of our needs (fully and abundantly and completely). Honestly, from a purely earthly point of view, things don't look incredibly prosperous right now.  BUT I know that God is in control.  The lesson that has been repeated throughout the day today has been that surrender isn't always easy, but is incredibly rich.  God doesn't just look at our past and present circumstances, He sees the whole picture . . .and the end results.  

I was asked several times how I was doing.  I kept saying that I was beyond stress.  In every way, the circumstances are beyond what I can manage, control or fix.  I have no choice but to surrender to God.  These problems are way too big to stress over.  The crazy thing is I knew immediately that I couldn't do anything, so I did surrender them and haven't tried to take them back.  

Hmm, isn't that what we are to do with ALL our cares,worries and concerns?

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (1 Peter 5:7 NLT)

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. (Psalms 27:14 NLT)

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. (Jeremiah 17:7 NLT)

Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Point taken.  We say we are trusting God, but sometimes actions (Ie sleepless nights, frazzled days, edginess, etc) speak louder than words.  I think that reaching the point of "beyond worried" might be just what we need to refocus on what truly matters instead of stressing over circumstances we can't control.

PS. About our finances, we are debt-free, flights are paid for, visas covered and monthly support nearly in.  God is multiplying everything that has come in and is meeting our every need!

A Picture of our New Home

It's coming down to the crunch time as we try to condense our house into 14 suitcases, 7 carry-on's and 7 backpacks.  Honestly, the stress level is increasing as the reality of a huge move begins to hit home. It is exciting, scary and overwhelming, but we are up for the challenge and trusting God for His strength for the next 17 (yes, 17) days.

Christmas looked much different for us.  We went simple this year.  While the gifts were simple, the richness of the day was especially meaningful.  We were joined by both family and friends and had a lovely time together.  The celebrations continued for the next couple of days as more family joined us and our oldest celebrated his 17th birthday.

We are now into the stage of sorting and packing up everything in the house.  In some ways, it's challenging to look at packing up, but in other ways, it is exciting to really starting focusing on what is waiting for us in Rwanda. The majority of conversations this holiday have revolved around the mission house, the people, the land and what we will be involved in.

The perception of life in Africa is often of a mud hut, but the reality is, where we will be living is really quite modern, developed and beautiful.  The house consists of 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms (with real toilets and a shower).  When teams or visitors come, our family will bunk together, so up to 12 additional people can join us at the mission home.  We have a lovely open living room-kitchen, complete with fridge, stove, oven and even a microwave.  We are going to try to bring a toaster oven, so there's less draw on energy for small items to be warmed. The windows can be opened or shut and the home stays comfortably cool, even on the warmer (+28C) days.  We look down over the valley and can easily see the highway from our kitchen window.

The property sits on a tiered hillside (remember, Rwanda is known as the land of a thousand hills).  The church, classrooms and playing field grace the top.  Down the stairs is the driveway and dorms, down some more stairs, the mission house and cookhouse.  More stairs down lead to the Rwandan family home and the stable. Below that is a grove of fruit trees (avocado, banana, plantain, etc).  A path leads to a garden area with fish pond below.  The set-up is amazing, the property gated and secure (we will have a guard at night).  

We have several animals on the property which will add to our adventure.  Beyond the typical geckos, chameleons, and occasional snake, there are goats, pigs, rabbits, a cow and calf, and rooster.  In addition, are the lovely fruit trees and beautiful flowering bushes. 

We are an easy (5 minute) walk to the village where we can get quite a bit of the food we will need (fresh fruit and veggies, milk, flour, cell phone minutes, etc) and a 30(ish) minute drive to the capital city where a modern (but expensive) grocery store is.  

While life will be very different in Rwanda, we are thankful to have an idea of where we will life and a little bit of understanding of what life will be like in this incredible country!

Mary, did you know?

While thoughts of Christmas and family togetherness dance through many people's heads, my head is spinning with details of visas, paperwork, and packing.  The final crunch is really here.  The last three months have flown by so quickly!  The last few months of shifting and surrender are now coming into completion.  In one sense, the "happily terrified" feeling is being replaced by a sense of just digging in and wading through those jobs that just have to be done.  Christmas is coming, but even the joyful anticipation is outweighed by a deeper anticipation of Rwanda.

Strangely enough, I no longer find myself overwhelmed.  It's been a matter of taking things one step at a time, processing and dealing with each item (paperwork, visas, business or more) as it comes up and trusting God that we are not missing a crucial detail.  It's a peace and trust that I have to deliberately choose each day, each hour, each minute--and especially at night, when my mind is trying to plan for the next day.  

Despite the days ticking down and the endless list of tasks, I have to stop and take time to reflect and appreciate the season we are in.  

I can't help but reflect on that first Christmas.  Did Mary and Joseph anticipate how their lives would change?  When they left for the census, did they have any idea that they wouldn't return for several years?  True, they didn't have visas and flights to worry about, but, they were entrusted with caring for the Messiah--now that's intimidating!  God worked out every detail for them, right down to the place where Jesus was to be born.  Each detail drawing on what was prophesied so many years prior.  Did they have any idea?

I've been trying to put myself in Mary's shoes, what went through her head as she kissed her mother goodbye?  Was she anticipating her mama there at her baby's birth?  Did she know in her heart she wouldn't see her family for a long time and share with them the joy of God's greatest gift?  Security, safety, a home, a "nest", were all sacrificed as Mary and Joseph set out on their historic journey.  In the midst of the chaos that a census entails, they didn't falter or hesitate to carry out the course set before them.  It was a stepping out that eternity was waiting for.  Did they know?  

No one can comprehend the difference a step can make.  One step, a surrendered heart, a simple "yes".  

Bits and pieces

I've lost track of time.  I know Christmas is coming soon and that the move to Rwanda will be upon us before we know it, but to figure out what day it really is, or calculate how many days are left until we move is a bit beyond me.  Right now, it's take on one project at a time, pray I don't miss anything and help our family walk through this transition.  Daily I am asked how are we REALLY doing?  While my friends push for a deeper answer, the most honest one I can give is "good".  Yes we are "happily terrified"--but that feeling may last for some time yet.  Every day, we cross another thing off our to do list and get one step closer to Rwanda.  I do what I can do, but surrender the rest each night and trust God for His strength for tomorrow.  It's all I can do and it is "good".  

What about our children?  This is a huge transition for them.  I will do my best to convey what I've witnessed as our family prepares for this move of a lifetime.

The youngest is surprising me.  He is the most resistant to change, yet he is the one embracing this adventure more than ever.  He has been asking some good questions about what to pack, what is there and what we leave behind.  Even having strangers coming through for showings hasn't phased him.  Today, he was packing his favorite toys to take to Rwanda and talking about the friends he will have and his new little brother (a 2 year old who just came to the orphanage).

Our next youngest is doing good, too.  He talks about the children, what we will see, what we will do and daily life there.  The hardest thing for him to leave will the activities with his friends.  Even with these things to leave, he is looking forward to what lies ahead.

Our youngest daughter has shown the most enthusiasm.  She's been excited from day one, though, as the months draw out, it's the being "caught between two worlds" that is tough.  While there's so much to do, the days and weeks of being with her friends and knowing she has to say goodbye soon has been challenging.  Being as social as she is, I can see how much she will miss those here, but her sense of adventure will help her adjust quickly.

For our oldest daughter, there's a quiet confidence, but something more.  Ultimately, this is a dream come true--but coming true earlier than expected.  I am sad to say that I didn't fully comprehend the reality of her emotions while packing up . . .she will graduate and who knows where God will take her?  There's a peace, but also a sobering reality that her life is about to radically change.  I understand this, but how can I share in that acknowledgment? I know that deep sense of upcoming change and the laying aside of everything familiar, knowing that our life will never be the same.  

For our oldest, there's probably the least amount of enthusiasm, but the most confidence that this is what we are to do.  Leaving friends is incredibly hard for him, he builds close friendships with people of all ages and is a friend to all.  Most of all, he loves church and reaching out.  It will be this passion that God will use to bridge His love to the people who need it the most.  From the beginning, he viewed this  opportunity as something that he will never regret.

As I watch my husband lay down a job he absolutely loves and embrace this adventure (did you know Kim hates change?), I am in awe.  To see him light up as he talks about Rwanda, the people, the village and the children, I am so excited to see the passion in his face!  

In a nutshell, as the date to depart draws closer and our emotions go through highs and lows, the bottom line is that we know where we are to be and look forward to what is ahead.  This passage from Philippians sums it up well:

I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. (Philippians 3:14 NLT)

Unsung heroes

He was there again today.  Walking into church, he came straight to our table set up for raising support for Rwanda.  He held out his hand and dropped money into my palm.  Not a word was spoken, but he walked off with a big grin . . .and tears welled up in my eyes.  

Today, a video was played at church where Kim and I shared our hearts and passion for Rwanda.  At the end, we were applauded.  I suppose this is a big step, but at the same time, the list of heroes standing beside us and behind us grows daily, they support without applause.  We are thankful to have the churches' acknowledgement and support--it means so much to know that spiritual backing is there--but beyond that, we have the support of so many unsung heroes. 

Since deciding to even scout out Rwanda, we have found ourselves surrounded by encouragers, prayer support and financial support.  People have shared their resources and talents with us and without them, this mission would not be possible.  It is humbling to be entrusted with these resources to get us to Rwanda and enable us to pour into the incredible people there.  

Almost daily, we are reminded of God's greatness, favour and unlimited supply as gifts and monthly support come in.  Weekly, as we stand in the foyer at church talking to people, we are amazed at the outpouring of finances, prayer support and encouraging words.  

What's been the most incredible has been the support and enthusiasm from the children.  One young boy is baking goodies to sell, all proceeds go straight to Rwanda.  Another,the young man first mentioned,has come by the table weekly.  He first asked me numerous questions about Rwanda, and after that began bringing money to give--loose change, given straight from his heart.  His faithfulness and sacrifice hits me each week.  He is maybe grade 4 or 5.  To see this sacrifice and generosity from both these young boys and others like them is absolutely incredible.  May God richly bless those who are sowing into this Rwanda mission!

So where are we with the support & fundraising?

Support, we are at 50%, $1000 has been pledged, $1000 still needed (these funds will be exchanged into US funds for Rwanda, so the monthly income will vary slightly).

Fundraising: one way tickets and immunizations ($8750) covered, 

Remaining: purchasing the recommended luggage trunks ($200), misc. medical and basic housing supplies: ($500), having US cash on hand for getting settled--groceries, household items, water, etc ($500 US), visas for Rwanda ($950 US).

Ideally, we'd love to have some money set aside for tickets ($7000 in 2 years) & possibly have an opportunity to get a keyboard for Nathan's music ($600).

We continue to trust God for His provision and we rejoice in these heroes who have risen up to support and encourage us.  

Anticipation

It is true that we will be leaving behind some comforts, security and amazing people, but at the same time, there's so much we are looking forward to in Rwanda.  There's an excitement and anticipation of what is to come.

While Christmas carols are playing here, I can still hear the Christmas (and other) songs the children sang echoing down the hills. My boys talk of the friends who they will meet in Rwanda-- Zach, David, Jamie . . .and of course, who could forget the wonderful pets they will have--pigs, rabbits, goats, geckos and more.  Our seven year old is practising up on reading aloud, just so he can share some of his favourite stories with the children.

My girls look at pictures and ask about the children, both in the orphanage and the village.  My middle daughter already has a letter and gift lovingly sent along with us when we visited in August.  Both girls look forward to being incredible "big sisters" to these many children.  

Our oldest continues to practice music and is praying for a piano or keyboard in Rwanda in order to share his gift.   We're not worried, God will provide, as He always has.  You should have seen our son's face light up when we told him that perhaps he could sit in on a few Bible school classes.  

For my husband, he has a stack of books and materials to encourage and mentor the men.  He is preparing for whatever repairs he can do.  Language is being studied so that bridges can be built.  

For me, I am taking ESL and dreaming of ways to share our language.  I am hunting down recipes to share and dreaming of times with the women and children where I can encourage, support and be a mother to those without parents.  Books, devotionals and resources are tucked carefully into the suitcases with the anticipation of sharing God's amazing love, care and provision for His children.  

We are praying for the land, for the people, the orphans, the workers and the bible school students who will be coming.  There is joy and anticipation for what God is going to do and we are so amazed that we can be a small part of what is to come.  

When we first surrendered to God, our hope was that some way, some how, we could be a bridge to reach those before us.  How great God is as He directs our next steps! 

Weeping and Joy

It's nearly midnight and sleep eludes me.  I am not stressed or overwhelmed, but instead, amazed at all that's happened this previous week.  The calendar show 46 days, my mimd feels it should be longer, but my heart is already preparing to be there. Tears come more frequently and the excitement is being replaced by mixed emotions as I face the reality of saying goodbye to what I hold dear right here.   There's no doubt where we are to be, but still, it's a bit of a grieving process.

True, every day there has been a tangible reminder that God is looking out for us.  We are being amazed daily over the generosity of those around us.  The weight of wondering how our flights and immunizations will be paid has been easing as we see the funds come in.  We do what we can in getting the word out and fundraising, but it is only God who can bring in what we need. . .and that has been exciting.  

This is really happening!  It hit me, late last night, after an incredible afternoon of tea and sharing with the ladies about Rwanda. There had been a silent auction and my teapot collection was sold.  It was great to be able to see how these teapots could help us get to Rwanda, but at the same time, it was hard.  Last night, as I gazed sat the empty spaces above my cupboards, I couldn't help but miss them a bit.  I guess it's the process of laying down who I was and stepping into who I am to be. With obedience comes sacrifice.  Rwanda means more to me than teapots.

The tears I shed today, however, were on a much deeper level.  A month ago, I began the process of saying goodbye when I visited my friend near Ottawa.  Now, the reality of saying goodbye here gets hard.  Seeing the tears in the eyes of friends who have laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me and encouraged me through so many challenges cuts straight to the heart.  Saying goodbye will be almost impossible . . .so I have to stick with "see you,soon" or beg them to come visit (not necessarily realistic).  Oh it is hard!  Oh how thankful I am.  Just as God is meeting our needs financially, so will He meet our needs spiritually, emotionally and relationally.  Instead of dwelling on these painful goodbyes, I rejoice in deep friendships that will stand the test of time.  I am thankful that I have a group of amazing people praying for me, supporting me, and those who "have my back" even when I don't feel it.   At the same time, I can have the privilege of praying for them, encouraging them and trusting that God will be there to meet every need that they have.  

Thankfully, we can Skype, Facebook & email--a privilege not found years ago.  

Weeping may last for a night but joy does come in the morning!