February is known as the month of love. February is also a special month for me, because it was in this month many years ago, that my husband and I began dating. Wow, that was a long time ago! I am not big on “buying into” the commercialism of the holidays, but I do appreciate the thought behind some of the holidays. For example, to celebrate Valentine’s Day, you consider the many reasons why you love somebody. Shouldn’t we do this year round?
This can be challenging. When we homeschool, the line between educator and mom gets blurred. We’ve probably all seen those TV commercials where the child gets home from school after having a rough day and the mom gives him freshly baked cookies and everything’s okay. This scenario just does not exist when you homeschool! As teachers, we are not always popular with our children. They don’t have mom to run to when there’s too much schoolwork to do.
Now don’t get me wrong, we do have those wonderful moments of connecting heart-to-heart with our kids. Words cannot describe that wonderful fuzzy feeling you get as you cuddle next to your child on the couch and they successfully read that first book to you. You cannot bottle that feeling when your preteen suddenly grasps that math concept and you see their face light up with understanding. These are bonding moments with your child.
As a mom of 5, I can get so focused on teaching that I forget about mothering. My daughter (rather bluntly) reminded me of that, about a year ago. Since then, I have been trying add special treats into our homeschooling life to demonstrate my love to my children. I want my children to both know they are loved (security) and feel that they are loved (demonstrated).
Perhaps the best way to explain this concept is to go to the “love chapter” in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (paraphrased). Let me put this passage into homeschooling terms.
Love is patient and kind—even when I am explaining the same concept dozens of times a day. I will not overreact when my children do. I will respond to them in kind and gentle words.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude—I choose not to compare myself to other homeschooling moms (ouch!), I accept that my children are unique individuals who learn at their own speed. I will not get caught comparing or bragging about my children (at the expense of others). I will not put unhealthy pressure on them—to “keep up or else . . . summer school”.
Love does not demand its own way—I will not force my beliefs on other moms, or look down on them when they choose to educate their children differently than I do.
Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of wrongs . . . love rejoices with truth—I will not let
my emotions determine what kind of days my children will have. I will choose to forget about
yesterday’s mistakes and celebrate today’s triumphs.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance—I will not give up on my kids, I know that they will succeed and I will cheer them on and support them through school and on into adulthood.
Oh boy, even I just reread and paraphrased this scripture passage; I realize that I have a long ways to go. I do not want homeschooling to negatively affect my relationship with my children. I want my kids to have good memories of their time at home.
Awhile ago, I bought each of my children a “love box”. This little wooden box (from the dollar store) guaranteed my children a chance to be heard. Whenever they desire, they can write a note for me. I will always write back to them. When I write back, I focus on their strengths and all that I appreciate about them. I am finding that my kids are expressing their feelings more and more to me.
Another thing my husband and I do is take our children on dates. The kids look forward to these one-on-one times with mom or dad. Sometimes we go out for ice-cream or for a bike ride or even go look at hockey cards. The kids help decide and we just enjoy time together.
Last year we brought in the first ever “Wilson Children’s Day” on May 1st. The kids love their own “holiday”. On that day, we try to do something fun and out of our usual routine.
We also try to celebrate the little things. I try to bring out the china and set the table nice with a special tablecloth and candles on days that we’ve had small triumphs—a perfect score on a spelling test, mastering a new math concept, losing that first tooth—I can see by my children’s reactions that they feel treasured. Now we have a “Celebrate Plate” that someone can get at the supper meal to acknowledge that special accomplishment.
A book that has really helped me understand my children is The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. We all communicate love in different ways and our children are no different. A quick key for figuring out your child’s “love language”, watch how they express love. Love can be communicated through:
1. Physical touch—cuddles or wrestling, when your kids are “touchy feely”.
2. Words of Affirmation—encouraging words make them shine and harsh words are devastating to them.
3. Quality Time—any time spent together is meaningful; they just want to be with you.
4. Gifts—they treasure any and all gift, it doesn’t matter how big or small.
5. Acts of Service—your child truly appreciates it when you help them, they are usually quick to help you, too.
I hope that you are able to share love not just this month, but easily through the year! Happy Valentine’s Day from Renae!
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