Trusting God in the midst of Trials

       The journey of trusting God in the middle of the storm has most definitely been difficult. But it is one tiny step at a time towards healing. Trusting Him before my mom got sick was, and is very different than trusting Him now that she is gone. Before, it was more of trusting Him to just get me through what i needed to do, quickly-without running out of time in a day to get everything done. And to believe He knew what He was doing. But now, it is more of trusting God to give me the strength for what I can't do, and trusting that He will fill in the gaps that we cannot achieve alone-being mom and managing the house.
   
Shortly after mine and her birthdays, in March, mom got sick. It seemed like the stomach flu, so there was no reason to be concerned. After about a week, she still wasn't improving, so we took her to the hospital for some tests. When she was at home, she was present, but she wasn't really there. So, I started taking care of things at the house. Soon I managed most of the cooking, myself. During that time, we were about 1/3 or halfway though a children's ministry course we were teaching. I helped plan the lessons and actually taught a class because my mom couldn't be there. Taking on more of her responsibilities, and in a way 'becoming mom' was hard.

My personal struggle was becoming her temporarily, and still being me-being 16. While she was sick, the duties to be done didn't really change; the house still needed cleaning, food had to be cooked, market shopping still had to be done, people had to get paid, bible school lessons still needed to be written and taught, family nights had to continue, life had to go on. I took on most of the duties that mom did-it felt like it was kind of expected. No matter how hard i tried, i felt like i doing it all, alone with no help. On top of trying to do everything, I tried doing what i desperately needed to do for myself as well. When i got stressed out, i tried asking others for help, but i didn't feel the load lighten much. I felt alone, even though everyone else was trying to pull their own extra weight. Mentally, physically, and emotionally the pressure and stress of 3 weeks was draining me.
Mom got sick off and on like a slingshot. It made me trust and have faith in God that she would get better soon and be mom again, but then she worsened again. Everyday i prayed, "God, I know you know what you are doing. But it is hard and stressful right now. Your way is best, but I am weary; can you just heal mom soon? I trust you. Help me overcome everything today, and get it all done. Amen." It was intense, and everything changed in a way i didn't expect.

Now, having faith and trusting God has changed for me again. So many obstacles and terrible events have happened to us since then. Mom ended up going to her real home, we had to leave the beautiful country we were just beginning to know, recently our house just flooded-with some damage, and we are going to be moving soon. I don't know why these trials are happening to us, but i DO know and trust God has a plan to strengthen us through this, and that He still knows how to carry out his plan for us. My needs and perspective has changed when it comes to trusting my Creator now. I pray differently. Now it is more like, "God, Please give me the strength to accomplish Your plan for today. I am still struggling to continue being me, most of the time. Fill the holes that i can't today. I can't do this alone! Thank you. You know what is best for me. Amen." I still have really terrible days, and my life is far from together, but God is STILL in control. We all work together now to do the household tasks, so i don't feel it is all on me anymore! I will continue to have days i can't do everything, but I will continue to keep my trust and faith firmly planted in Him.

When Peter took his eyes off of Jesus, He focused on the waves, and began to sink. But in the midst of the storm, Jesus was right there. When Peter called out to Him, Jesus picked him back up again. No matter what is going on, if you, or I take our eyes off of the Lord and not trust Him when the waves come-and not trust He sees everything and He knows what He is doing, we will sink.

"I know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength."    ~Philippians 4:12-13

 "And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been call according to his purpose."   ~Romans 8:28

Faith is not knowing                               

 What the future holds,                                  

But knowing                                                    

Who holds the future 

          

 Blessings to all,

-Abigail