achieving mommyhoood

I always wanted to be a mom—right from the time I was little, my life’s ambition was to mother children. My dreams did not diminish as I grew up, even with a diagnosis that I would never have kids. If I couldn’t give birth to children, I would adopt—after all, I was adopted and knew how wonderful that could be. To this day, I will never forget the day I found out that my dreams were coming true. Ahh, the wonder of motherhood . . .

Three kids in three years did not diminish my joy of being a mom, but somewhere in that timeframe, I found myself searching for significance beyond my calling as “mother”. Before kids, even though I did not hold down a “paying” job, I volunteered most weeks and found myself helping direct TV shows, write children’s programs and help coordinate guests for a TV station. After kids came, my job description shifted, but I still had the desire to do something “important”.

For awhile, I tried to be a supermom. I held down a part-time job looking after our church’s preschool department, coordinated a mom’s group, and led a kids club. My two oldest were at school and kindergarten and I was enjoying the busyness of making an impact. The bubble burst soon after with a job shift that brought me into reluctantly homeschooling. I still carried on with many of the activities, but yearned to make a difference. In the end, the only difference I made was being more stressed out and short with my kids because I was not at peace with myself or what I was called to do.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love my kids and my family, but I was measuring my accomplishments with the wrong measuring stick. I had forgotten that my first calling was to pour into my own children and not yearn for the day when they are older and I would be freed to do something that holds significant value.

I don’t know when the turning point came. Maybe it was when I realized that the “when the kids get older” was coming to pass as my oldest now looks me in the eye . . . and is now looking at grade nine courses (gulp). While my youngest is only beginning to walk, I know how fast that time will go. For my oldest, the mould is setting I can only hope and pray that the seeds I’ve planted in their lives are the right ones.

Not long ago, I was meeting with my son’s preschool teacher. She commented that since I was so good with kids, I should consider going through for a teacher. In the past, I’d say that was my future plan once the kids were older, but not this time. Instead, I smiled and thanked her, but said that teaching was exactly what I was doing, and my best and favourite students were my children. As I said that, I realized that at last I’ve come into a place of peace and joy in mothering my children. I rejoice with the stage that I am at because I am exactly where I am meant to be.

I am not saying all to criticize mothers who work, or have dreams or future ambitions. On the contrary, I applaud you. While I have many hopes and dreams and future goals, I am choosing not to focus only on them. I am finding that when you continually wish for the next stage to come (“baby to sleep through night”, “potty-training”, “reading”, “working independently”, etc), we can miss enjoying the stage that we are at. Even in the worst of times with my little ones not sleeping through the night, there was something soothing about that warm little baby snuggled close in your arms as you sit and rock in the middle of the night. There comes a time where those stages, both pleasant and trying, will come to an end. So, no matter where you are, please try to find some nuggets to enjoy, because it won’t be long until this stage is forever gone . . .